A dash of ignorance and fear

I have to say that I’ve learned more about pregnancy and labor in the past month than I have in my entire life combined. Granted, most of the facts and stories I’ve heard have made my face go white as a sheet, but I am trying to absorb as much as I can, knowing that I’ll need every tidbit once this little guy is here. But all of the information has really frightened me into realizing that I have 2 months left of “life as I know it” and I’m going to be a MOM. That is surreal. I’m not sure I’m ready!?

I cannot wrap my mind around caring and providing for a baby of my own. I get there is a baby inside me. He makes it known to me throughout the day and I absolutely love that. What a great feeling to know you are caring and nurturing for a little one who’s not even here yet. Some of it is selfish – I love feeling and knowing that he’s “always with me” and I can talk to him. But the reality is scary – there is a little baby in there who’s going to rely on me for everything, for the rest of his life.

Even scarier is realizing in our prenatal classes that he will need to escape my body at some point (which won't be pleasant....according to the videos and stories I’ve seen and heard.) And that we are going to be taking him home - to care for him, provide for him, and meet his every need. That is so unreal to me, I just can’t wrap my head around it – no matter how many times I step into the nursery, it still feels like it is happening to someone else. Maybe it’s because I’ve dreamed of this for several years…..and feel so blessed that God has finally blessed us with it.

But right about now is where I really hope some Motherly Instincts kick in (I know I don’t have them yet). I have this overwhelming feeling of absolute ignorance. It is more than unnerving to realize that no matter how many books I read or classes I take, I won't really know what to do until I'm in that moment, upon which I’ll need to know what to do right then and there!I'm a planner by nature. I prepare for everything…I make lists, read everything I can get my hands on about a subject, ask friends, etc. I hate not knowing what I’m getting myself into – whether it’s a 2-hour road trip, or a huge remodeling project. I don't know how people go through life just “flying by the seat of their pants."

I have bought books, collected magazines, subscribed to websites, etc., but I know I’m still in for a shock. Perhaps, this is why the thought of packing my hospital bag sends me into a cold sweat. Am I ready for this challenge? Am I ready to give up my 8-hours of sleep a night? Am I ready to have my marriage and entire reality altered forever? My whole way of thinking and doing things is about to change.
After all that, I have to just chalk this up to good old fashioned cold feet. Thankfully, I have complete faith in God that He will give me strength to accomplish everything. And I know with every fiber of my being that this little man with the chubby cheeks that I got to see on ultrasound last week, will become the center of my existence, and the love of my life. I can’t wait.

Five Pregnancy Pet-Peeves

As I enter my third trimester of this pregnancy, I am finding myself overwhelmed with emotion (AKA....hormones). I have mastered the art of crying for no reason at all. I am irritable, short-fused and bitchy on most days. Thankfully, I at least get one gold star for being able to admit to all of these, as opposed to living in a constant state of denial. However, I've begun keeping a mental list of things that continue to drive me absolutely crazy.

For any of you living with or close to someone who is pregnant, I thought I would share (for your own safety). Here are my top five pregnancy pet peeves - at least for this week:

1) Do not 'tailgate' me. I'm not talking about in your car, but walking. Although my full-fledged pregnancy waddle may not have set in enough yet for you to tell from behind me that I am pregnant, it is still rude to walk behind someone so closely that you have to watch the ground so you don't trip on their ankles (or "cankles"). As on the highway, if you are in that big of a hurry, then go around, I do not plan on giving you a piggy-back ride. Us pregnant gals don't just have the pleasure of carrying extra weight directly on our pubic bone - we also don't see a need to send ourselves into a self-induced asthma attack by trying to get to where we are going a few seconds quicker for your sake. Basically, my coordination (or lack thereof) and desire to tread carefully prevents me from walking at the break-neck speed you apparently crave on foot.....so BACK OFF!

2) Do not....under any circumstances....touch my belly. Just because this basketball-sized protrusion may not seem close enough to me to actually be attached to my body....IT IS. Making the declaration in advance that you "have been there" does not give you the right to touch it. Follow these simple guidelines: If you are a stranger, just pretend you don't see it...you will never have the right or permssion to touch any part of my body, least of all my belly. If you are a family member or friend and you can't help but be fascinated to the point of wanting to touch it, pay me the courtesy to ask me first before I tell you no. The fact remains that this is now the most coveted part of my body and I will invite you to feel it if you are worthy.

3) This one may seem random, but please refrain from using your cell phone in public. This includes enclosed spaces such as public bathrooms, elevators, check-out lines, waiting rooms, etc. Although this may not seem to fit in a list of pregnancy pet peeves, these are situations in which us hormone-laden, unpredictable pregnant ladies may be most likely to errupt from such moronic and self-centered behavior. Please do not expose us to your egocentric conversations about all those worthless things that were apparently too pressing to wait until you were in private - like what to have for dinner. Perhaps this one is common courtesy for all, but with pregnancy hormones raging, I find these people overtly annoying and inconsiderate...and often daydream about throwing their most beloved phone or blackberry under my tire.

4) Please do not make reference to my weight or clothing unless it is blatantly positive in every sense of the word. This would prohibit comments such as "boy, maternity clothes have sure changed a lot," "you sure there's just one in there?" or the ever popular "you must be about ready to pop!" Although your intentions may be good, and I recognize that you apparently have no clue how to make appropriate conversation with such a wierdly-shaped indivdual (especially while staring at my belly), it will not excuse any iditiotic statement you decide to let slip. If you aren't purposely trying to pay me a complement, it is probably best for your sake if you just walk away.

5) Do us "pregnancy virgins" a favor and supress your desire to tell your most horrific pregnancy/labor story. Before you get your non-pregnancy undies in a bundle, let me say that I do understand the ability you have to relate to my situation (if you have had a child). However, sharing by reflecting on your internal vault of the most vivid and traumatic memories you have from that time is probably not the best way to make conversation. The fact is that I am already all-too-aware that this beautifully-huge miracle of life will have to find a way out of me somehow, and I don't need you painting me a picture. If you are still confused by this one, let me help by suggesting some words to refrain from using: miserable, excruciating, 36 hours, big-as-a-house, episiotomy and natural.

It's Always the Little Things...

I'm sure I've overemphasized this point at many times during my short blogging career, but it is truly the little things that can make or break your day. Granted, I LOVE the big things - things that you look forward to every day when you wake up, such as a trip or a fun party you plan to go to. But in reality, the little things added together make a much bigger difference on our day-to-day lives.

Take a sneak peek into what I mean by looking at my past 24 hours. Yesterday I woke up to cold and rainy weather. I came to work and had a long day. But thankfully I had a date night planned with my hubby that I was looking forward to for over a week. Well, we had to change plans and needed to skip our romantic dinner so we could go pick up lighting for our basement, strike one. We went out in the pouring rain to two different stores only to walk away with one item, strike two. Finally, we came home soaking wet, enhaled some pizza as a late dinner and went to bed, no kiss goodnight, strike three. While those things may not see like a big deal independently - when you put them all together, they added up to a less-than-enjoyable evening. Just one tiny change could have made a difference. But as it was, I was done and shut down - three strikes and I'm out.

But the little things can also make your day so much better! Perhaps it's a sweet 'good morning' greeting from your spouse, or an email from a long lost friend who just wanted to check and see how you were doing. Those little things can make my grouchy mood turn around! The best thing I can think of is what happened this morning, when I woke up to get another dark, cold and rainy day, strike one. Then drove to work only to meet several accidents and about cause one myself, strike two. But when I got to my desk, I was greeted by a huge pan of homemade apple crisp made by a friend because she heard I was craving it. It literally made my whole day turn around, that someone was so thoughtful and it just happened to be on a day where I was about to give in and give up yet again.

Perhaps it's just the stress in my life that has me so "sensitive" to the little things. But those bad little things can really add up if they happen over and over again, and it can put any one of us in a terrible funk. But if we can just throw a few good things in there, it has the potential to change the way the other person feels, as well as feel better about yourself! I think it's good to take time and realize that a quick love note to your spouse, or surprise treat for your best friend could go a long to them. I know I don't take the time enough to do little special things for those I care about, but hopefully I have learned my lesson.

Tis Not Yet the Season?

First off, shame on me for letting so much time go by between blogs. Thankfully, I'm back on the wagon and so excited to announce that Eric and I are expecting a BABY BOY!! We continue to pray that he is healthy and growing strong each day, and although the boys were hoping for a little sister, I think they are really excited about a little brother. What a great addition this little guy will be to our family and extended family! I mean, he'll have two brothers and five cousins to play with (four of which are boys). What fun he'll have!

In addition to that great news, we also were lucky enough to be the grand prize winners of a dream nursery from the Mercy Stork Affair event we attended! We were blown away. It is the largest thing either of us have ever won, and considering we were only at the Stork Affair for about 45 minutes, I'd say it was a good investment of our time! We are being treated to a brand new crib, dresser, hutch, glider/rocker, crib bedding and even money to use on a local artist to come paint a mural or provide artwork! It is truly unreal and I personally feel so grateful (and a little undeserving at times). I'll post some pictures once we get the room closer to complete.

So, since my last post our life has pretty much been non-stop. We are still unpacking boxes and find where we put everything, but we have added a variety of other activities to the mix. Orrin is in flag-football again which requires two weekday practices and a game every week, Eric plays softball which takes up an additional night each week and I am still working my second job, but thankfully that will be coming to a halt in a few weeks. In addition, we have needed to take time for contractors to come fix minor "new house" repairs, and get companies in to give us bids on finishing our basement, and the weekends have been dedicated to working on the house, traveling to Iowa games, etc. October is probably the busiest month I have experienced in a long time. Now, we are also adding in baby classes, weddings, parties, etc. I didn't think it was supposed to get busy like this until the holidays? But regardless, everything that keeps us so busy are ultimately great things that have helped us enjoy our fall season even more.

The rest of October will continue to be busy - no doubt about that. But I have to say, I'm really looking forward to November 1st, when we may be able to get a few months of down time before this little bundle of joy turns our world upside down in new and unique ways!