Bad mommy

I have come to the realization that I have been a bad mommy! I let nearly two years slip through my fingers, and I'm left looking at this beautiful baby boy (who's now a toddler) wondering where the time went? I have this terrible feeling of regret that I let it fly by in the blink of an eye, and I haven't written down the details of every single beautiful day I've been blessed to share with my beautiful son since he was born.

Better late than never I guess, so it's time to catch up! Here are a few photos from the past few months....

Asher 12-month photos

Asher just turned 20 months and this little boy's personality has emerged in full color! He has always been a talker (gee- I wonder which one of us he got that from) and amazes me every day with how smart he is! Whether it's words like "motorcycle" that he pronounces "pack-uh-pall" (not sure how he came up with that), or the stories he tells me from daycare like, "Lydia....pushin......down.....nice" which translates to the fact that his friend Lydia was pushing him and he fell down which was not nice. He truly loves to talk and tell stories! We even taught him to say "Go Hawkeyes" within 10 minutes of watching the first football game. Now, he says it very clearly and throws his hands up in the air excitedly when he does it (and seems to do it anytime he sees ANY football game on TV). *SNIFF* We are so proud.....

A few little facts about Asher this month:

• He loves to go get groceries or "go-shees"


• He has a very big personality, good and bad; and is definitely stubborn like his mommy/daddy.


• When he wants something, he repeats the word as many times as possible until you can't help but just give it to him....a technique that apparently works!


• He loves ice cream, and gets excited when I mention it. He sits on the couch with mommy, spoon in hand, to eat it right out of the carton!


• He loves to sing and has a talent for music! We sing a lot together, and are attending Kindermusik classes once a week, which he loves.


• He finally has hair! Unfortunately it hasn't grown in evenly. I call it his "Bozo" hair because he has the "Kelderman curls" around the sides and back, then it's sparse and straight on top. But he is truly an adorable little guy!

That's all for now. This is where I promise to update this blog more often - and I will! Hopefully it will be a great way for friends/family to catch up on what's new with Asher for the week! Thanks for reading!

Old Scars

Junior high was rough on me back in the day. Girls were mean, cliques were formed, wounds were made. I tried so hard to fit in - I tried too hard. I tried so hard to be friends with everyone and make everyone happy. In hindsight, it basically got me nothing but hurt and disappointment. I tried too hard to be liked by everyone, including the wrong people - only to be rejected in the end. I should have never tried so hard. I should have just been myself. Thankfully I finally learned that in high school.

As an adult, I've realized that I am a beautiful person. I am blessed to have an amazing group of friends who I'll carry with me to the grave, and who would do anything for me. I honestly don't know where I'd be without them. Those beautiful women are my friends because they like me for who I am. They gave me a chance....they put up with my good, bad and ugly and forgive me my faults. And the best part is - we communicate like adults when there are problems.

It's amazing to sit here and realize that I still carry the scars of rejected friendship that were made back in junior high, and some still feel fresh. I still try too hard sometimes to be liked or accepted, and I still hurt when I feel rejected or left out. And recently I've found myself surrounded by the topic of female friendships again. Most recently, a personal situation that hurt my feelings.

I had to take a deep breath, and remember that I'm no longer that awkward, prepubescent girl that needs to change to make friends and feel better about myself. I also don't want to be a part of any clique that goes around behind other women's backs say/do hurtful things. I've learned from past friendships, and I am a better person for it.


At the end of the day, we are all women, and we are all supposed to be there for one another. Thankfully I've finally grown enough to recognize the difference between those who are true, and those who aren't. My old friendship scars may never heal, but thankfully the true friends I do have make me realize what true friendship is.

For my son

As I sat in the car last night and looked at you in the rear view mirror, a barrage of thoughts flooded into my head. You sat there so serenely looking around; with your precious chubby cheeks and bright eyes. I couldn’t help but think of all of the things I wanted for you in this life.

I hope that you have a heart as big as your mommy’s and daddy’s, combined.

I want you to use that beautiful smile to brighten a room as much when you’re 40 as you do now.

I pray that God can help you find your way to Him, and open your heart to the world.

I hope you can find laughter in every day, and share it with others.

I want you to always have the courage to stand up and speak up for yourself, and others when needed.

I hope that you believe you can do and become anything you dream of – and I want you to dream big!

I don’t need you to be the most popular kid in school, but hope you are the one who goes to sit with the lonely kid by himself at the school lunch table.

I can’t prevent your heart from pain, but I hope that it does not make you calloused.

I hope you surround yourself with friends who love you for who you are, and recognize those who don’t.

I hope that you have a love of being with others, and not a feeling of anxiety.

I pray that you know what a miracle from God you are, and how you are loved more than you can ever imagine.

I will always be with you.

No guidebook!

The last couple weeks with Asher have made me realize that despite the number of baby books on sleep training, what to expect, the first year, etc., there is no manual on parenting. The books that are out there are just guidebooks. They aren’t going to tell you everything, and what they do tell you, may or may not be applicable to your child, who is beautiful and unique in their own fantastic way!

Asher has been a very happy, mellow, take it as it comes baby since birth. We have noticed it, family/friends have noticed it and even the daycare has noticed it. He smiles easily, is easy to entertain and is very social and loves being around people and other kids. But he has been struggling lately with ear infections, stuffy noses, trouble sleeping, and now this phenomenon known as the 4-month wakeful period. Unfortunately, none of this is in any of the books that I spent my hard earned money to buy, and put so much trust in while I was anxiously awaiting this mysterious miracle. Thank God for Google and the internet boards I use, such as BabyCenter.com and TheBump.com where I find a community of great women who have “been there and done that” and tell you what others won’t.

Basically, I have learned that there is no real right source of information for how to raise this beautiful baby. I continue to ask friends, compare to other kids, read the magazines, etc. But each source I go to provides a different answer. In reality, I thought the guidebooks would tell me everything I needed to know (I now realize how utterly naïve that sounds). But Asher is beautifully unique. That means, in his case, ear infections, spitting up 20+ times a day, and a few other issues we have to learn how to sort through that the books don’t cover, but it also means that he is a happy baby, loves to laugh, a great eater, and has already learned how to roll over! He will do his own thing and reach his own milestones when he chooses, he will throw curve balls and me and Eric as he sees fit, and he will continue to give me reason to throw the guidebooks right out the window – because they do not suit him.

I had heard it before it ever applied to me, but I am starting to realize the truth behind people saying that as a parent, you just continue to figure it out as you go. Asher provides me new joys every day, but also new challenges that I often don’t know how to handle. I will probably continue to struggle not to question whether I am handling everything right or wrong, or dealing with it the same way everyone else thinks would, but just do as I think is best and take it one day at time.

I’m his mommy, and it’s always going to be the best job in the world!