Is Bigger Really Better?

We listed our house for sale this week, which has overwhelmed me with mixed emotions. Our little house has been ours as a couple since we moved in April 1, 2006. We love it here. We (and the dogs) love the yard and the newly remodeled Iowa Hawkeye basement! And for me – this is the first place I have ever truly felt HOME since I was a kid. Pretty sad, but this is the first place I have stayed at for more than 2 years, since 2001 or before! This house has not just been a fantastic place to settle in every night, it is a home because of the family that I share it with. Sadly though, our house is a “cute little” house. Four people and one bathroom does not work well during bouts of the flu as noted this winter. And the lack of a garage gets real old when you are carrying in groceries in the rain or looking for someplace to store your patio furniture in the winter. So despite all of the love our family has for this house – we need something bigger.

Eric and I are excited about this possible move, because it is starting a new chapter for us. In addition to that, the reason for the bigger house is primarily because we are still working on creating a bigger family. We have been waiting so long and trying so hard, but I’m conscious of the fact that none of this is up to us. Despite our best efforts, it is all ultimately in God’s hands.

The best things that have happened in my life have come about without any effort or strife on my part. Take for example this great job I have. I had applied to Principal about…oh…15 times when I was living in Cedar Rapids. But that one little phone call for an interview for this job in Des Moines came just 2 short months after I filed for divorce and told my parents how badly I just wanted “a fresh start.” That was God’s hand. There are many examples like that in my life – where when I look back and see how great things worked out, I realize it had nothing to do with me or my decisions. So I am putting my faith in God on this transition in our life as well. If now is the right time for our family to “go bigger”, then I know it will happen. Otherwise, we are lucky to be very happy right where we are now.

In the meantime if you happen to know of anyone needing a great little starter house, be sure to let me know!

My Perfect Complement

Complement - Something that completes, makes up a whole, or brings to perfection.

Everyone knows I am an avid Dr. Phil fan – so I might as well fess up to it publically now. I love his common sense mentality in approaching difficult topics. Well yesterday was a very interesting show about a couple who has been married only 5 months, and were ready to divorce. They said they fought 2-3 times a day. These fights caught on tape were hideous, hurtful and belittling fights! I was amazed at the disrespect shown to each other, and the threats of divorce over and over. In my opinion, if you want out that bad, then you better just follow true on your threats and leave.

Watching that couple fight reminded me of how grateful I am that I divorced my first husband. Just like this couple on TV, we would fight all the time, about big things and little things…or nothing at all. We would do anything we could to hurt each other, in the hopes of having “the upper hand” or “winning”. I would often nag or pick a fight because of my own unhappiness. He would often start it by being controlling, jealous or beligerent-drunk. Most nights, we were better off (and happier) to be in separate rooms. We were like oil and water – we just didn’t mix.

In talking with a friend the other day, I realized how I thought the person you choose to be your partner will either complement you or drag you down. Your spouse or significant other can make you a better person by supporting you and complementing your best qualities, or they will enhance all of your bad qualities, provoke you and get you roped into and negative way of life. You may not realize it yourself, but I bet if your friends and family were honest with you – they could pinpoint the exact ways your spouse either enhances you, or detracts from you as a person.

I am grateful I experienced my first marriage, so I am able to recognize how great my marriage to Eric truly is. He makes me a better person, supports and encourages me, while allowing me to be myself. I can only hope I do the same for him. We can communicate our feelings of hurt or concern, without screaming insults and obscenities at each other. We are great support for each others weaknesses.

As Dr. Phil says, the best way to be a support to your partner is to to wake up every day and think “How can I make his/her life better today?” No matter what the answer to that question is, I agree that if both people can embrace that way of thinking – you will make each others lives so much more enjoyable.

Hibernating...

Wow, it is amazing how often I think of moving to Arizona in the middle of Iowa winters. Eric and I talk about it on days like yesterday; how we will retire there regardless of where the children and grandchildren are….they will just have to come visit us in the desert! We can’t handle these inhumanely-cold temperatures!

So what else is there to do on these freezing, dark winter nights? Well, dress up your dogs and laugh endlessly of course! Poor Loki, he’s so tortured by his humans, but at least he’s a good sport!

In other news…..wait….there really isn’t any other news! In all reality, life since the holidays has been quiet. We have all been dragging ourselves up in the dark mornings to head to work and school, and coming home at night to hibernate. This weather definitely takes a toll on your body, mind and soul. It’s hard to get up in the morning when your bed is so toasty-warm! It’s hard to get motivated to leave the house or work during the day – for fear of the mind-numbing cold you’ll have to endure. And it’s especially hard to leave the comfort of your warm house after you’ve returned from work/school and the dark chill has descended once again.

During these less-than-thrilling days, I try to remind myself of what I have to look forward to. Primarily – spring. But beyond that, we decided to try and plan a trip to Germany this year to see my brother and his family. Obviously we don’t know what circumstances may arise this year, but if possible, we want to take 10 days and go visit. The thought of returning to Europe and getting to see my dearly-missed nephews gets me so excited that I completely forget my fingers and toes have gone numb.

In the meantime, I keep plugging away at each day. I know that each one is still a blessing, no matter how cold it may be. But I remind myself that there are better, brighter and warmer days ahead!

The Year of Happiness

I opened two fortune cookies last night after a run for HyVee Chinese food. The first said: "You will have a happy and peaceful life." Kinda generic, but still a keeper. The second one said, "This year will bring you happiness." I was thrilled to see those words. As cheesy as it is, I am keeping that one. Goodess ...I want so badly for this year to bring happiness!

Granted - 2008 was a good year. But as many of you know, I have had a few struggles with my health this year, including a miscarriage in November. I didn't blog about it because I felt it was something that should be private. But the truth is, it is a very painful memory of this past year and I needed to lean on friends and family to get through it. Anyone who has to go through something so traumatic - should not keep it a secret, but talk about it. It's the only way to make it easier.

I can't imagine anything that would bring me more happiness in 2009 than a baby. It's no secret that Eric and I have been trying to get pregnant. We have been using the "natural" method for nearly a year and a half. The worst part is knowing that the problems we are having are because of me. I can't tell you how disheartening it is as a woman to fail at the one thing you were put on this earth to do. It is a road I did not expect to have to travel, on top of the other health problems I have. And forgive me for saying this, if I hear one more friend, co-worker or random stranger announce that they "surprise!" are pregnant - I may just pull my fingernails out one by one with a dull pair of pliers. It's not that I'm not happy for those people, I am thrilled. But no one can understand the pain, jealousy and saddness that unintentionally creates, when announced to a woman who is struggling with infertility - unless they have been through it themselves.

All that said, I know that everything happens for a reason. This long and frustrating 18 months and counting has taught me a few key things that I needed reminding:
1) Patience is a virtue - one that I definitely needed some practice with.
2) I am not in control of my own destiny, God is
3) Eric and I are a strong couple. We can get through anything, as long as we stand together.

I pray that this New Year will bring all of you peace, health and above all, happiness.