An 8-pound blessing

God’s power and blessings in my life continue to amaze me. On January 27, 2010, my miracle baby boy was born. Asher Robert was born weighing 8 pounds and 20 1/4 inches long. He is perfect in every way. We named him Asher because he was the eighth son of Jacob, and was promised a life blessed with abundance. We named him Robert after my dad, who is the best father anyone could ask for.

My life changed that day in ways I could never have comprehended. Yes it was challenging at first, and I didn’t know what I was doing. But thankfully some motherly instincts kicked in, and before I knew it, this beautiful boy had me wrapped around his tiny little finger. He is now three months old and changing every single day.

I thought I couldn’t do it, be responsible for another person, I thought I was too selfish… but I am doing it every day. I thought I’d miss my alone time, my freedom, or my eight hours of sleep, but I don’t. In fact, I want to spend nearly every moment of every day with him.

I hate to admit, I used to not understand why people talked about their kids all the time. I used to get annoyed at hearing how “life changing” having children was, especially when we were trying without success. It’s NOT like having nieces or nephews…or even step children. But....NOW I GET IT. It is a living, breathing part of your heart and soul. And I have found myself becoming one of those mothers who can’t help but brag about what adorable thing her kid did that day!

It is amazing how I am already a happier, more contended person with Asher in my life. He has given me a new purpose, and a much better understanding about what life is truly about. Now instead of worrying about how I want a new job or when I can buy a nicer car …I set out every day to make his days happy ones. I don’t see myself or Eric when I look into his eyes; he is his own little person. And yet, he is a miraculous combination of the love Eric and I have for each other. I stare at him with tears in my eyes every day, in awe at what an amazing creation he is, and humbled by the uninhibited happiness he brings into our lives.

It's true....most days I’m exhausted. I feel about 100 times busier than before he came, and I’ve gotten sick twice in the 3 short months he’s been around (probably from lack of sleep). And to be honest, there are times that I feel burned out. But I truly can’t imagine my life without him. It is a love that was unfathomable to me, until now. I cannot wait to see an amazing little boy he develops into… I look forward to every day.

He is and always will be, the most important thing in my life, and I already know that I’ll do anything for him. Thank God for this miracle, and choosing me to be blessed by it.

A Year Full of Change

It is hard to believe that this year is almost over, and so is my pregnancy (ALMOST over that is).

This year has been filled with so many life changes, it’s hard to keep track! We tried to sell our house, then gave up on selling, then managed to sell it. We moved and lived in an apartment for 2 months, then moved again into our new house. We were blessed by this pregnancy, and are now waiting patiently to greet our new family member!

Now that I’m staring down the barrel of one month of pregnancy left, I’m getting so anxious! Obviously by my last post, I’m feeling nervous, apprehensive and a little overwhelmed. But I’m also so anxious to experience being a mom and watching our family grow and evolve! I am definitely going to miss some things about this pregnancy, but am looking forward to some things being over!

Things I’ll miss:
1) The wonderful love and attention you get from friends/family on a daily basis; everyone is always interested in how you are doing.
2) The exciting stages of this “first” pregnancy where each week you get to look forward to something new and exciting happening with your little one.
3) The super-cute clothes, toys and other baby items you can justify collecting for 10 months, to ensure that this little one will be ‘taken care of’ (aka – spoiled).
4)The comforting movements I feel when this little guy makes his presence known, or reacts to his mommy or daddy’s voice.

Things I won’t:
1)The full force of gravity when I stand up after sitting or laying for a long time, when I realize I’m toting around a basketball-sized belly worth an extra 25 pounds.
2) The inability to de-stress, celebrate or just enjoy a delicious alcoholic beverage or a soak in the hot tub!
3) The plethora of random physical changes (complaints) that I add to each month.
4) Feeling constantly moody, impatient and annoyed by every person place and thing around me…I’ll blame that one on the hormones.

But for all my bitching and moaning this year about these changes, everything has truly been a true blessing. I look forward to seeing what 2010 has in store for me; I hope it’s nothing but more wonderful experiences.

Here’s to a great New Year! (Too bad I’ll likely be sleeping by 10:30 tonight; I trust 2010 will show up anyway!)

A dash of ignorance and fear

I have to say that I’ve learned more about pregnancy and labor in the past month than I have in my entire life combined. Granted, most of the facts and stories I’ve heard have made my face go white as a sheet, but I am trying to absorb as much as I can, knowing that I’ll need every tidbit once this little guy is here. But all of the information has really frightened me into realizing that I have 2 months left of “life as I know it” and I’m going to be a MOM. That is surreal. I’m not sure I’m ready!?

I cannot wrap my mind around caring and providing for a baby of my own. I get there is a baby inside me. He makes it known to me throughout the day and I absolutely love that. What a great feeling to know you are caring and nurturing for a little one who’s not even here yet. Some of it is selfish – I love feeling and knowing that he’s “always with me” and I can talk to him. But the reality is scary – there is a little baby in there who’s going to rely on me for everything, for the rest of his life.

Even scarier is realizing in our prenatal classes that he will need to escape my body at some point (which won't be pleasant....according to the videos and stories I’ve seen and heard.) And that we are going to be taking him home - to care for him, provide for him, and meet his every need. That is so unreal to me, I just can’t wrap my head around it – no matter how many times I step into the nursery, it still feels like it is happening to someone else. Maybe it’s because I’ve dreamed of this for several years…..and feel so blessed that God has finally blessed us with it.

But right about now is where I really hope some Motherly Instincts kick in (I know I don’t have them yet). I have this overwhelming feeling of absolute ignorance. It is more than unnerving to realize that no matter how many books I read or classes I take, I won't really know what to do until I'm in that moment, upon which I’ll need to know what to do right then and there!I'm a planner by nature. I prepare for everything…I make lists, read everything I can get my hands on about a subject, ask friends, etc. I hate not knowing what I’m getting myself into – whether it’s a 2-hour road trip, or a huge remodeling project. I don't know how people go through life just “flying by the seat of their pants."

I have bought books, collected magazines, subscribed to websites, etc., but I know I’m still in for a shock. Perhaps, this is why the thought of packing my hospital bag sends me into a cold sweat. Am I ready for this challenge? Am I ready to give up my 8-hours of sleep a night? Am I ready to have my marriage and entire reality altered forever? My whole way of thinking and doing things is about to change.
After all that, I have to just chalk this up to good old fashioned cold feet. Thankfully, I have complete faith in God that He will give me strength to accomplish everything. And I know with every fiber of my being that this little man with the chubby cheeks that I got to see on ultrasound last week, will become the center of my existence, and the love of my life. I can’t wait.

Five Pregnancy Pet-Peeves

As I enter my third trimester of this pregnancy, I am finding myself overwhelmed with emotion (AKA....hormones). I have mastered the art of crying for no reason at all. I am irritable, short-fused and bitchy on most days. Thankfully, I at least get one gold star for being able to admit to all of these, as opposed to living in a constant state of denial. However, I've begun keeping a mental list of things that continue to drive me absolutely crazy.

For any of you living with or close to someone who is pregnant, I thought I would share (for your own safety). Here are my top five pregnancy pet peeves - at least for this week:

1) Do not 'tailgate' me. I'm not talking about in your car, but walking. Although my full-fledged pregnancy waddle may not have set in enough yet for you to tell from behind me that I am pregnant, it is still rude to walk behind someone so closely that you have to watch the ground so you don't trip on their ankles (or "cankles"). As on the highway, if you are in that big of a hurry, then go around, I do not plan on giving you a piggy-back ride. Us pregnant gals don't just have the pleasure of carrying extra weight directly on our pubic bone - we also don't see a need to send ourselves into a self-induced asthma attack by trying to get to where we are going a few seconds quicker for your sake. Basically, my coordination (or lack thereof) and desire to tread carefully prevents me from walking at the break-neck speed you apparently crave on foot.....so BACK OFF!

2) Do not....under any circumstances....touch my belly. Just because this basketball-sized protrusion may not seem close enough to me to actually be attached to my body....IT IS. Making the declaration in advance that you "have been there" does not give you the right to touch it. Follow these simple guidelines: If you are a stranger, just pretend you don't see it...you will never have the right or permssion to touch any part of my body, least of all my belly. If you are a family member or friend and you can't help but be fascinated to the point of wanting to touch it, pay me the courtesy to ask me first before I tell you no. The fact remains that this is now the most coveted part of my body and I will invite you to feel it if you are worthy.

3) This one may seem random, but please refrain from using your cell phone in public. This includes enclosed spaces such as public bathrooms, elevators, check-out lines, waiting rooms, etc. Although this may not seem to fit in a list of pregnancy pet peeves, these are situations in which us hormone-laden, unpredictable pregnant ladies may be most likely to errupt from such moronic and self-centered behavior. Please do not expose us to your egocentric conversations about all those worthless things that were apparently too pressing to wait until you were in private - like what to have for dinner. Perhaps this one is common courtesy for all, but with pregnancy hormones raging, I find these people overtly annoying and inconsiderate...and often daydream about throwing their most beloved phone or blackberry under my tire.

4) Please do not make reference to my weight or clothing unless it is blatantly positive in every sense of the word. This would prohibit comments such as "boy, maternity clothes have sure changed a lot," "you sure there's just one in there?" or the ever popular "you must be about ready to pop!" Although your intentions may be good, and I recognize that you apparently have no clue how to make appropriate conversation with such a wierdly-shaped indivdual (especially while staring at my belly), it will not excuse any iditiotic statement you decide to let slip. If you aren't purposely trying to pay me a complement, it is probably best for your sake if you just walk away.

5) Do us "pregnancy virgins" a favor and supress your desire to tell your most horrific pregnancy/labor story. Before you get your non-pregnancy undies in a bundle, let me say that I do understand the ability you have to relate to my situation (if you have had a child). However, sharing by reflecting on your internal vault of the most vivid and traumatic memories you have from that time is probably not the best way to make conversation. The fact is that I am already all-too-aware that this beautifully-huge miracle of life will have to find a way out of me somehow, and I don't need you painting me a picture. If you are still confused by this one, let me help by suggesting some words to refrain from using: miserable, excruciating, 36 hours, big-as-a-house, episiotomy and natural.