For my son

As I sat in the car last night and looked at you in the rear view mirror, a barrage of thoughts flooded into my head. You sat there so serenely looking around; with your precious chubby cheeks and bright eyes. I couldn’t help but think of all of the things I wanted for you in this life.

I hope that you have a heart as big as your mommy’s and daddy’s, combined.

I want you to use that beautiful smile to brighten a room as much when you’re 40 as you do now.

I pray that God can help you find your way to Him, and open your heart to the world.

I hope you can find laughter in every day, and share it with others.

I want you to always have the courage to stand up and speak up for yourself, and others when needed.

I hope that you believe you can do and become anything you dream of – and I want you to dream big!

I don’t need you to be the most popular kid in school, but hope you are the one who goes to sit with the lonely kid by himself at the school lunch table.

I can’t prevent your heart from pain, but I hope that it does not make you calloused.

I hope you surround yourself with friends who love you for who you are, and recognize those who don’t.

I hope that you have a love of being with others, and not a feeling of anxiety.

I pray that you know what a miracle from God you are, and how you are loved more than you can ever imagine.

I will always be with you.

No guidebook!

The last couple weeks with Asher have made me realize that despite the number of baby books on sleep training, what to expect, the first year, etc., there is no manual on parenting. The books that are out there are just guidebooks. They aren’t going to tell you everything, and what they do tell you, may or may not be applicable to your child, who is beautiful and unique in their own fantastic way!

Asher has been a very happy, mellow, take it as it comes baby since birth. We have noticed it, family/friends have noticed it and even the daycare has noticed it. He smiles easily, is easy to entertain and is very social and loves being around people and other kids. But he has been struggling lately with ear infections, stuffy noses, trouble sleeping, and now this phenomenon known as the 4-month wakeful period. Unfortunately, none of this is in any of the books that I spent my hard earned money to buy, and put so much trust in while I was anxiously awaiting this mysterious miracle. Thank God for Google and the internet boards I use, such as BabyCenter.com and TheBump.com where I find a community of great women who have “been there and done that” and tell you what others won’t.

Basically, I have learned that there is no real right source of information for how to raise this beautiful baby. I continue to ask friends, compare to other kids, read the magazines, etc. But each source I go to provides a different answer. In reality, I thought the guidebooks would tell me everything I needed to know (I now realize how utterly naïve that sounds). But Asher is beautifully unique. That means, in his case, ear infections, spitting up 20+ times a day, and a few other issues we have to learn how to sort through that the books don’t cover, but it also means that he is a happy baby, loves to laugh, a great eater, and has already learned how to roll over! He will do his own thing and reach his own milestones when he chooses, he will throw curve balls and me and Eric as he sees fit, and he will continue to give me reason to throw the guidebooks right out the window – because they do not suit him.

I had heard it before it ever applied to me, but I am starting to realize the truth behind people saying that as a parent, you just continue to figure it out as you go. Asher provides me new joys every day, but also new challenges that I often don’t know how to handle. I will probably continue to struggle not to question whether I am handling everything right or wrong, or dealing with it the same way everyone else thinks would, but just do as I think is best and take it one day at time.

I’m his mommy, and it’s always going to be the best job in the world!