These are all questions I get on a weekly basis - when referring to the fact that Asher will be MY only child. Granted, many people don't know he's got two older brothers (my husbands boys from a previous marriage) but what is most disturbing is the fact that most people don't realize this simple question can be so hurtful. What's wrong with just one? Does that make me less of a mother, or our family less than a family? Why do I feel like I'm on trial when I get that question and I better come up with a good excuse?
When we were newly-married we'd often get the "so when are you going to start a family?" type comment. It got to be so draining. People don't consider what you might be struggling with behind closed doors. I hear it all the time to friends and coworkers, and cringe every time.
Life doesn't always work out the way you plan. I wish I hadn't gotten married so young, just to waste nearly 7 years of my life on a failed relationship. I wish I could have met Eric sooner, I wish he didn't have the "baggage" that comes with marrying someone with a vicious ex-wife and two kids, I wish someone could have taught me how to be a step-mom before I became one......the list goes on. But I love my life and my ONE son, and wouldn't trade a second of it for anything. I resent people assuming that somehow I'll be shorting him by not having another baby, or that I as a woman won't be totally fulfilled unless I keep breeding. And why so quick to discount the fact that he does have two older brothers who protect and love him like I've never seen. He may be my only child - but he's not an only child - and even if he were, why is that so taboo?
There are many days I do feel sad that I won't get to have another baby. But the memories are always raw. Those times sitting on my bathroom floor bawling over the 36th pregnancy test I'd just taken that was once again negative, or the excruciating pain I felt when I got the call that my pregnancy was "no longer viable". There were so many tears shed - and those memories serve to remind me to be grateful for what I have. I recall how I used to pray, "please Lord, let me at least have one I can call my own" and my prayers were answered. I thank God for him every single day - becuase there was a day I thought I'd never get to experience carrying a baby and being called "mom". And as my only son, he'll get nearly all of my attention. He and I will have a special bond, a fantastic friendship, and get to experience so many things together.
Please take my story into consideration. So many of my friends and family have struggled with infertility. Think twice before asking questions about when the next baby might be coming. Everyone's story is unique, and many are plagued with heartbreak. But one thing is for certain and needs reminding - having "only one" child isn't anything less than a total miracle.
