You could practically hear the neighbors say, "there's a new crazy lady in town".
Today marked a slight psychotic moment for me as I chopped away at the two feet of ice boulders that were left at the opening of my driveway by the plows. As I chopped away at it with a metal garden shovel (plastic would be a joke), I turned into a mad woman, chopping at the ice, getting angrier and angrier with each stab I took. Although I think I might have momentarily blacked out in my rage - I think I vaguely remember screaming obscenities at one point. Let's just say, it was not one of my prouder moments, and probably scared everyone within a one block distance back into their houses.
I would like to consider myself one of mother natures more tolerant inhabitants of this world...especially in the winter. Yes, I manage to complain by the end of each winter, but for the most part, I realize I live here and there is nothing I can do about it. However, this winter has pushed me to my brink. Between the bitter cold that freezes the hairs in your nose upon stepping outside the house, to the hours of time spent with the shovel in hand like an explorer, trying to find what lies beneath the 10" of ice I once called my driveway - I have had it.
I am going on the record to protest the rest of this winter season! I am crying uncle, I am exposing my belly (dog reference) and I concede to being the biggest loser in this bitter battle against this wretched season they call winter. Despite all my fears of bugs in the spring and dreadfully sweltering humidity and heat in the summer, I am somehow managing to look forward to the warmer weather. I am officially tired of being held captive in my own house (with 2 kids, 2 dogs and a husband) because the weather cannot allow me a brief moment of peace to enjoy myself in the wonderful outdoors.
I guess there is nothing left to say, but good riddance. My tirade has exhausted me and think it's time to go put my sweatpants on.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Tears and triumph
The challenges and rewards anyone faces as a stepparent can be overwhelming. Every situation you are presented with is completely foreign to you. Many people will say, "well parenting your own children is the same thing." My response to that is definite and resounding, "no it's not."
When they are your own children, you get to feel the joy of creating them, having them, knowing they are part of you. You have the ability to nuture them, gradually learn about them and watch them grow into what you hope them to be. I'm positive it's not without its challenges and times of bewilderment, but what a beautiful experience that must be! I hope I can experience it someday.
Stepparenting is different. It requires creating a bond with children you don't know. It requires a strong backbone with a delicate, soft tone of voice. As a stepmom in particular, you are expected to have a more active role and involvement in the care-taking of your stepchildren. As a childless stepmom, you need to have a motherly instinct on how to handle situations, despite having never had children of your own. You must always tread lightly, and be careful not to overstep your bounds - after all, you aren't their parent. You need to be sensitive and compassionate in every situation - even if it's foreign to you. You need to enforce rules and yet be a friend. You have an investment in caring about these children, but you don't always get a 'voice at the table.'
As a stepmom, you also add on the feelings of anger and resentment toward the ex, who comes with this package. You may even feel jealousy in the fact that they will be bonded to your spouse forever because of these children. There is a sense of loyalty between them that cannot be broken by you. In fact, you are just added to the mix. You often may feel like a third wheel, either between your spouse and his ex, or your spouse and his children.
Too many families also deal with a parent that does not contribute, putting you, as a stepparent, in the position of doing more than they ever will. Parents should be the caretakers, they should provide for their children. But what if the ex doesn't? Then once again it is up to you, not just in child support, but in helping raise these kids right. After all, no one wants to see kids go without the opportunities we all had as kids. It's sad to see how many kids are put in that situation. They miss out on so many experiences because they are constantly shuttled between houses, getting caught in he said-she said divorces, and struggling to figure out why rules are different at each house.
My mom was a stepchild, it was a very difficult situation for her. Thankfully, she was blessed with an amazing dad and a loving stepmom. I never truly appreciated that until I became a stepmom myself. What a huge impact you can have on a child's life by being a stepmom! It brings a smile to my face that I can provide experiences, feelings and opportunities for these kids that they would not have otherwise gotten. I can strive to be a better listening, provider and teacher. I can learn from them just as much as they can learn from me.
I can say from personal experience, that being a stepmom has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I said to myself in the beginning "I love kids, I have several nieces and nephews!" But I was joking myself. It is radically different to be fully invested in a child's life - children that are put in your care, even though they aren't yours. There have been times of frustration, feelings of isolation, lack of privacy, utter helplessness, anger, resentment and even jealousy at times. You may think that is terrible, but is it? Do new parents go through the same thing adjusting to a new baby? I can say that every trial I've been through as a new step-mom has made me a better person and hopefully a better parent. The other side of things is even better. It is the amazing feeling of being invited to become a new family, joy in seeing smiles I bring to their face, kisses and hugs I get as they run in the door, and the most adorable pictures and poems they write about our family that I put on the fridge.
I'm blessed to be a stepmom. It brings new challenges each day, but also amazing opportunities to grow as a person and be a crucial part of their lives. I'm also blessed to have a supportive husband, who somehow manages to find a balance between the dedication to his children and the struggles I go through as a new stepmom. I trust that I will continue to get better with each passing year, and maybe someday even have children of my own. Then I can experience the feelings of a parent from the beginning. But in the meantime, I will continue through the tears and the triumph of being a very important stepmom to two wonderful boys.
When they are your own children, you get to feel the joy of creating them, having them, knowing they are part of you. You have the ability to nuture them, gradually learn about them and watch them grow into what you hope them to be. I'm positive it's not without its challenges and times of bewilderment, but what a beautiful experience that must be! I hope I can experience it someday.
Stepparenting is different. It requires creating a bond with children you don't know. It requires a strong backbone with a delicate, soft tone of voice. As a stepmom in particular, you are expected to have a more active role and involvement in the care-taking of your stepchildren. As a childless stepmom, you need to have a motherly instinct on how to handle situations, despite having never had children of your own. You must always tread lightly, and be careful not to overstep your bounds - after all, you aren't their parent. You need to be sensitive and compassionate in every situation - even if it's foreign to you. You need to enforce rules and yet be a friend. You have an investment in caring about these children, but you don't always get a 'voice at the table.'
As a stepmom, you also add on the feelings of anger and resentment toward the ex, who comes with this package. You may even feel jealousy in the fact that they will be bonded to your spouse forever because of these children. There is a sense of loyalty between them that cannot be broken by you. In fact, you are just added to the mix. You often may feel like a third wheel, either between your spouse and his ex, or your spouse and his children.
Too many families also deal with a parent that does not contribute, putting you, as a stepparent, in the position of doing more than they ever will. Parents should be the caretakers, they should provide for their children. But what if the ex doesn't? Then once again it is up to you, not just in child support, but in helping raise these kids right. After all, no one wants to see kids go without the opportunities we all had as kids. It's sad to see how many kids are put in that situation. They miss out on so many experiences because they are constantly shuttled between houses, getting caught in he said-she said divorces, and struggling to figure out why rules are different at each house.
My mom was a stepchild, it was a very difficult situation for her. Thankfully, she was blessed with an amazing dad and a loving stepmom. I never truly appreciated that until I became a stepmom myself. What a huge impact you can have on a child's life by being a stepmom! It brings a smile to my face that I can provide experiences, feelings and opportunities for these kids that they would not have otherwise gotten. I can strive to be a better listening, provider and teacher. I can learn from them just as much as they can learn from me.
I can say from personal experience, that being a stepmom has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I said to myself in the beginning "I love kids, I have several nieces and nephews!" But I was joking myself. It is radically different to be fully invested in a child's life - children that are put in your care, even though they aren't yours. There have been times of frustration, feelings of isolation, lack of privacy, utter helplessness, anger, resentment and even jealousy at times. You may think that is terrible, but is it? Do new parents go through the same thing adjusting to a new baby? I can say that every trial I've been through as a new step-mom has made me a better person and hopefully a better parent. The other side of things is even better. It is the amazing feeling of being invited to become a new family, joy in seeing smiles I bring to their face, kisses and hugs I get as they run in the door, and the most adorable pictures and poems they write about our family that I put on the fridge.
I'm blessed to be a stepmom. It brings new challenges each day, but also amazing opportunities to grow as a person and be a crucial part of their lives. I'm also blessed to have a supportive husband, who somehow manages to find a balance between the dedication to his children and the struggles I go through as a new stepmom. I trust that I will continue to get better with each passing year, and maybe someday even have children of my own. Then I can experience the feelings of a parent from the beginning. But in the meantime, I will continue through the tears and the triumph of being a very important stepmom to two wonderful boys.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Hang on....
February 18th....what a great day! Just 31 years ago today, God granted me life, and blessed my family with a new baby girl! What a joyous day!
Birthdays have a tendency to make us reflect on the past year, and on our lives in general. Today I'm reflecting back thinking about what birthdays used to be like. As a kid, my parents always made my birthdays memorable. We had parties and presents, sleepovers with friends....all the wonderful memories kids should have of their birthdays. Today, I hope to carry on some of those traditions with my family as we grow together. Then in college, birthdays were about partying, and enjoying newfound freedom. Going out with friends was a birthday ritual when you turn 21! As an adult, my birthdays started out poorly. At the time, I had a spouse who was inconsiderate of the importance of the day, and blind to the joy of giving and trying to make someone feel special on their day. I'm glad those days are over, they were never special.
Now that I'm in a new city, with a new life and a very special man I love dearly, I find that my birthday is better than ever! Age is just a number, the true importance of a birthday is to reflect on how happy you are in life. If you aren't happy, it's a time to discover why and make a change to ensure that the upcoming year will be better. Thankfully, I am happier than I've ever been. I'm surrounded by a great family, loving friendships and an amazing relationship with the man of my dreams and his two boys. I know that God has even better things for me in the future.
A card I got for my birthday states it best, "Hang on - God has good things in store - things to bring a breathless contented smile to your heart of hearts."
(Special thanks to Eric today for my beautiful birthday present - here's to an amazing "journey" together)
Birthdays have a tendency to make us reflect on the past year, and on our lives in general. Today I'm reflecting back thinking about what birthdays used to be like. As a kid, my parents always made my birthdays memorable. We had parties and presents, sleepovers with friends....all the wonderful memories kids should have of their birthdays. Today, I hope to carry on some of those traditions with my family as we grow together. Then in college, birthdays were about partying, and enjoying newfound freedom. Going out with friends was a birthday ritual when you turn 21! As an adult, my birthdays started out poorly. At the time, I had a spouse who was inconsiderate of the importance of the day, and blind to the joy of giving and trying to make someone feel special on their day. I'm glad those days are over, they were never special.
Now that I'm in a new city, with a new life and a very special man I love dearly, I find that my birthday is better than ever! Age is just a number, the true importance of a birthday is to reflect on how happy you are in life. If you aren't happy, it's a time to discover why and make a change to ensure that the upcoming year will be better. Thankfully, I am happier than I've ever been. I'm surrounded by a great family, loving friendships and an amazing relationship with the man of my dreams and his two boys. I know that God has even better things for me in the future.
A card I got for my birthday states it best, "Hang on - God has good things in store - things to bring a breathless contented smile to your heart of hearts."
(Special thanks to Eric today for my beautiful birthday present - here's to an amazing "journey" together)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Pure Joy
When was the last time you experienced a good laugh? Not just a “my co-worker said something funny” chuckle, or a strained laugh because everyone else is – but I’m talking pure 100% laughter. The kind of laughter you love because it makes your stomach hurt and you end up begging someone to stop before you pee your pants!I love to laugh. It is one of the purest joys in my life. I enjoy a good laugh in some of the most unexpected places, like at work! I love telling great stories and laughing with my friends at work about who was dancing in the elevator with secret security cameras watching! Or even at home on a quiet night with Eric and the dogs, when Eric is a sarcastic ass and the dogs are being crazy. I adore the fact that my husband can truly make me laugh. I love letting out an authentic snort and giggle when he tells a story or plays with the dogs.
I think laughing is underrated and under-utilized. What a stress reliever to let go of worries, inhibitions, chores, excuses and whatever else holds you back long enough to enjoy the true comedy of a situation. I can’t help but smile as I write this, thinking back on last Saturday night when during a tubing outing at Sleepy Hollow, I witnessed two grown men slip on the ice and fall on each other – dumping one another out of their tubes (thankfully, no one was hurt). Oh, did I enjoy that one! And what about seeing someone else laugh? It puts a true smile on my face and in my heart to see those closest to me, experience so much joy that they can’t help but let it spill out.
Although the genuine moments of true laughter tend to be too few and far between, one thing is certain, we can all find a little more time in our day to enjoy the gift of laughter. So take time out to call a friend, watch a funny movie, act like a kid again, or tell a good story and try to experience the purest joy of laughing. I promise – you’ll love it.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Jealousy
Jealousy: hostile thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival, or one believed to enjoy an advantage.
What a wasted emotion, but it is something that has afflicted all of us at one point or another. Jealousy is a disease that can pick away at your self-esteem, happiness, your hopes and dreams. But maybe it is human nature to look at another person and be jealous of what they have, or who they are. Maybe they have an amazing house or car you wish you had, maybe they have more family or friends than you do, maybe it's as simple as the fact that everything in their life seems to go exactly as they plan, unlike the rest of us. Any variety of things can wreak jealousy in your heart.
I admit, I have spent much of my youth and even my adult life being jealous of others. I've been jealous of friends and family at times. I can drill down even further, admitting to being jealous of those that are skinnier, wealthier, more carefree, in a more loving relationship, more determined, better job....honestly the list could go on and on. What a terrible sickness it is to always be jealous of others? How quickly that will erode any recognition you have of yourself!
Let's face it, we can't help but compare what we have to what others have - whether it's money, relationships, material items, jobs, etc. But there is a distinct difference in comparing, or being jealous. Let's look at it from a different angle, for every person that you are jealous of, chances are, there are 10 that are jealous of you. So perhaps it is an issue of none of us being grateful for what we ourselves have - therefore we always have to see how our lives "stack up" against others? Whatever happened to the commandment of "thou shalt not covet"?
After some careful reflection today, and good conversation with friends, I came to realize a few key things that are crucial to me. I have no rivals. I love my life, I love the person I am, I love the wealth of opportunities God has blessed me with. I am finally in a place in my life, where I can truly look at myself and my life and be overjoyed. I am more aware of what I have, and am jealous of no one.
What a wasted emotion, but it is something that has afflicted all of us at one point or another. Jealousy is a disease that can pick away at your self-esteem, happiness, your hopes and dreams. But maybe it is human nature to look at another person and be jealous of what they have, or who they are. Maybe they have an amazing house or car you wish you had, maybe they have more family or friends than you do, maybe it's as simple as the fact that everything in their life seems to go exactly as they plan, unlike the rest of us. Any variety of things can wreak jealousy in your heart.
I admit, I have spent much of my youth and even my adult life being jealous of others. I've been jealous of friends and family at times. I can drill down even further, admitting to being jealous of those that are skinnier, wealthier, more carefree, in a more loving relationship, more determined, better job....honestly the list could go on and on. What a terrible sickness it is to always be jealous of others? How quickly that will erode any recognition you have of yourself!
Let's face it, we can't help but compare what we have to what others have - whether it's money, relationships, material items, jobs, etc. But there is a distinct difference in comparing, or being jealous. Let's look at it from a different angle, for every person that you are jealous of, chances are, there are 10 that are jealous of you. So perhaps it is an issue of none of us being grateful for what we ourselves have - therefore we always have to see how our lives "stack up" against others? Whatever happened to the commandment of "thou shalt not covet"?
After some careful reflection today, and good conversation with friends, I came to realize a few key things that are crucial to me. I have no rivals. I love my life, I love the person I am, I love the wealth of opportunities God has blessed me with. I am finally in a place in my life, where I can truly look at myself and my life and be overjoyed. I am more aware of what I have, and am jealous of no one.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
So Many Roles
Why does it seem like most weekends, are spent working? I don't mean stuck in the office. But considering how much we look forward to weekends, its amazing how much time I feel like I spend working when I'm here at home....laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc. And that's with a husband who helps out on occasion! It's not just housework that gets me thinking about this - but the role that we all play in our family.
As a wife and mother, you could say on any given day, I play the role of caretaker, friend, consoler, maid, dogsitter, banker, and of course, lover and mother. We all fall into roles within our own lives and families. Some women carry majority of the weight, and sometimes it's the men. But regardless, the roles that we play definitely affect what (if any) freetime we have and how we spend it. I not only need to help take care of my family, cheer them up when they are down, provide for them, etc - but I also need to do all those things for myself! I need time to reflect, relax, exercise and play. Thankfully we have a pretty good balance in our family, everyone pitches in as needed. But for the most part we all play a specific role that your family members/significant others rely on.
This weekend is another busy one, but also enjoyable - finding time to ignore the dishes and leave the laundry - and enjoy time together.
As a wife and mother, you could say on any given day, I play the role of caretaker, friend, consoler, maid, dogsitter, banker, and of course, lover and mother. We all fall into roles within our own lives and families. Some women carry majority of the weight, and sometimes it's the men. But regardless, the roles that we play definitely affect what (if any) freetime we have and how we spend it. I not only need to help take care of my family, cheer them up when they are down, provide for them, etc - but I also need to do all those things for myself! I need time to reflect, relax, exercise and play. Thankfully we have a pretty good balance in our family, everyone pitches in as needed. But for the most part we all play a specific role that your family members/significant others rely on.
This weekend is another busy one, but also enjoyable - finding time to ignore the dishes and leave the laundry - and enjoy time together.
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