My Perfect Complement

Complement - Something that completes, makes up a whole, or brings to perfection.

Everyone knows I am an avid Dr. Phil fan – so I might as well fess up to it publically now. I love his common sense mentality in approaching difficult topics. Well yesterday was a very interesting show about a couple who has been married only 5 months, and were ready to divorce. They said they fought 2-3 times a day. These fights caught on tape were hideous, hurtful and belittling fights! I was amazed at the disrespect shown to each other, and the threats of divorce over and over. In my opinion, if you want out that bad, then you better just follow true on your threats and leave.

Watching that couple fight reminded me of how grateful I am that I divorced my first husband. Just like this couple on TV, we would fight all the time, about big things and little things…or nothing at all. We would do anything we could to hurt each other, in the hopes of having “the upper hand” or “winning”. I would often nag or pick a fight because of my own unhappiness. He would often start it by being controlling, jealous or beligerent-drunk. Most nights, we were better off (and happier) to be in separate rooms. We were like oil and water – we just didn’t mix.

In talking with a friend the other day, I realized how I thought the person you choose to be your partner will either complement you or drag you down. Your spouse or significant other can make you a better person by supporting you and complementing your best qualities, or they will enhance all of your bad qualities, provoke you and get you roped into and negative way of life. You may not realize it yourself, but I bet if your friends and family were honest with you – they could pinpoint the exact ways your spouse either enhances you, or detracts from you as a person.

I am grateful I experienced my first marriage, so I am able to recognize how great my marriage to Eric truly is. He makes me a better person, supports and encourages me, while allowing me to be myself. I can only hope I do the same for him. We can communicate our feelings of hurt or concern, without screaming insults and obscenities at each other. We are great support for each others weaknesses.

As Dr. Phil says, the best way to be a support to your partner is to to wake up every day and think “How can I make his/her life better today?” No matter what the answer to that question is, I agree that if both people can embrace that way of thinking – you will make each others lives so much more enjoyable.

Hibernating...

Wow, it is amazing how often I think of moving to Arizona in the middle of Iowa winters. Eric and I talk about it on days like yesterday; how we will retire there regardless of where the children and grandchildren are….they will just have to come visit us in the desert! We can’t handle these inhumanely-cold temperatures!

So what else is there to do on these freezing, dark winter nights? Well, dress up your dogs and laugh endlessly of course! Poor Loki, he’s so tortured by his humans, but at least he’s a good sport!

In other news…..wait….there really isn’t any other news! In all reality, life since the holidays has been quiet. We have all been dragging ourselves up in the dark mornings to head to work and school, and coming home at night to hibernate. This weather definitely takes a toll on your body, mind and soul. It’s hard to get up in the morning when your bed is so toasty-warm! It’s hard to get motivated to leave the house or work during the day – for fear of the mind-numbing cold you’ll have to endure. And it’s especially hard to leave the comfort of your warm house after you’ve returned from work/school and the dark chill has descended once again.

During these less-than-thrilling days, I try to remind myself of what I have to look forward to. Primarily – spring. But beyond that, we decided to try and plan a trip to Germany this year to see my brother and his family. Obviously we don’t know what circumstances may arise this year, but if possible, we want to take 10 days and go visit. The thought of returning to Europe and getting to see my dearly-missed nephews gets me so excited that I completely forget my fingers and toes have gone numb.

In the meantime, I keep plugging away at each day. I know that each one is still a blessing, no matter how cold it may be. But I remind myself that there are better, brighter and warmer days ahead!