My Perfect Complement

Complement - Something that completes, makes up a whole, or brings to perfection.

Everyone knows I am an avid Dr. Phil fan – so I might as well fess up to it publically now. I love his common sense mentality in approaching difficult topics. Well yesterday was a very interesting show about a couple who has been married only 5 months, and were ready to divorce. They said they fought 2-3 times a day. These fights caught on tape were hideous, hurtful and belittling fights! I was amazed at the disrespect shown to each other, and the threats of divorce over and over. In my opinion, if you want out that bad, then you better just follow true on your threats and leave.

Watching that couple fight reminded me of how grateful I am that I divorced my first husband. Just like this couple on TV, we would fight all the time, about big things and little things…or nothing at all. We would do anything we could to hurt each other, in the hopes of having “the upper hand” or “winning”. I would often nag or pick a fight because of my own unhappiness. He would often start it by being controlling, jealous or beligerent-drunk. Most nights, we were better off (and happier) to be in separate rooms. We were like oil and water – we just didn’t mix.

In talking with a friend the other day, I realized how I thought the person you choose to be your partner will either complement you or drag you down. Your spouse or significant other can make you a better person by supporting you and complementing your best qualities, or they will enhance all of your bad qualities, provoke you and get you roped into and negative way of life. You may not realize it yourself, but I bet if your friends and family were honest with you – they could pinpoint the exact ways your spouse either enhances you, or detracts from you as a person.

I am grateful I experienced my first marriage, so I am able to recognize how great my marriage to Eric truly is. He makes me a better person, supports and encourages me, while allowing me to be myself. I can only hope I do the same for him. We can communicate our feelings of hurt or concern, without screaming insults and obscenities at each other. We are great support for each others weaknesses.

As Dr. Phil says, the best way to be a support to your partner is to to wake up every day and think “How can I make his/her life better today?” No matter what the answer to that question is, I agree that if both people can embrace that way of thinking – you will make each others lives so much more enjoyable.