We have had a very long past few weeks. Between spring cleaning, baseball games, visits to family, garage sales, volleyball, softball and Eric’s classes….it has been hectic! (It gives me a new appreciation for the women/mothers who juggle much more than me!) I am learning how precious some quiet time alone can be, and how much I love an hour to relax and spend time with my husband. While reflecting on all that, I realized that maybe this “chaotic lifestyle” we’ve been living the past few weeks isn’t a phase – maybe this is life!
I know it sounds funny, but I think I’m finally realizing that the term “settling down” doesn’t mean what it implies at all! Granted, we enjoy a great house and family together. However, that may mean the crazy weekends of hitting the latest bar or restaurant, lazy Sunday mornings sleeping in and cooking breakfast together, and the romantic nights with candles and a bottle of wine are inevitably the rarity now instead of the norm! Did I miss the boat on that transition? Have I been delusional all this time thinking that life could still be that way? Or maybe I just need to adjust my way of thinking!
The simple truth is, weekend nights are now enjoyed with the boys watching a movie and eating popcorn on the couch. Sunday mornings often include church, lunch, and maybe the boys’ baseball/soccer games. And romantic nights with candles and wine usually mean passing out early and waking up just in time for work with a headache! Wait….when did I get old? Where is that in the “I want to get married and start a family” handbook?
In all my times of reflection, I think I have realized this is just the natural transition from the single/dating life to the married with children life. But with those changes come with some additional experiences, such as grilling dinner at home while the dogs and kids play in the backyard, armpit-fart competitions with the boys in the pool, and other goofy and completely absurd moments that make being part of a new family so much fun. I love having those new moments, I cherish them and wouldn’t trade them for anything.
And yet, there is one thing I do not agree to succumb to. I don’t think “settling down” means you need to sacrifice the old things you once loved to do. In my past, I thought that beginning a life with someone meant to needed to sacrifice everything; find common hobbies instead of individual ones, sacrifice time with friends in order to spend more alone time with your partner. In reality, that is a tragic mistake too many of us often make. I now know that I still need those moments….time to myself to relax and unwind, the occasional Saturday night to party like college kids with my girlfriends, and the random Friday night with candles and a nice dinner with my husband.
Maybe the term "settling down" shouldn't be used at all. Technically, it's about starting over. It's about knowing what experiences and habits to give up, in order to make room for new and equally enjoyable ones. I think it’s different for each person. But for me, I love having the best of both worlds…and would like to keep it that way for a while.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Put it into practice
I recently got an email from a friend with “40 tips for a better life”. I enjoyed reading through it and picked up a lot of useful tips for ways to de-stress, laugh more, and relax your life. However, in this list, there were a few that stood out to me more than the other 35. They are listed below:
· Don't take yourself so seriously, no one else does.
· Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
· No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
· Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
· The best is yet to come.
How true those are! I am obviously very introspective by nature. But I think phrases like these are crucial to remembering who we are and what is truly important in this life. The main thing that I think we should remember is that we are in control of our own destiny. Only we can decide to forgive and move forward, to find the best within each day, to love unconditionally, and to treat others the way we hope to be treated. It's all simple in theory - but some days is difficult to put into practice.
Take this beautiful holiday weekend and try to realize how lucky you are. Try to find a way to remind yourself that the life on this earth is temporary, and you need to make the most of it because no one can guarantee tomorrow. Focus on the love of your family and friends, the blessings that surround you each day (house, car, job) and maybe even what you could do for someone less fortunate in such a trying time. After all, what kind of legacy are you going to leave when you are gone? What a better place this world would be if we each just tried a little harder to "pay it forward".
· Don't take yourself so seriously, no one else does.
· Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
· No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
· Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
· The best is yet to come.
How true those are! I am obviously very introspective by nature. But I think phrases like these are crucial to remembering who we are and what is truly important in this life. The main thing that I think we should remember is that we are in control of our own destiny. Only we can decide to forgive and move forward, to find the best within each day, to love unconditionally, and to treat others the way we hope to be treated. It's all simple in theory - but some days is difficult to put into practice.
Take this beautiful holiday weekend and try to realize how lucky you are. Try to find a way to remind yourself that the life on this earth is temporary, and you need to make the most of it because no one can guarantee tomorrow. Focus on the love of your family and friends, the blessings that surround you each day (house, car, job) and maybe even what you could do for someone less fortunate in such a trying time. After all, what kind of legacy are you going to leave when you are gone? What a better place this world would be if we each just tried a little harder to "pay it forward".
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Enjoy the ride
Change is inevitable. It is one thing that I continue to be reminded of each day.
People change. Friends that you had in high school or college slip away. They become different people with different lifestyles and if you take time to reflect on it, you often find yourself realizing how little you have in common with the people who were once your whole world. Instead you turn to those who are with you day in and day out, whoever that may be - they become your best friends.
Lives change. We were all so anxious to become adults so we could make our own rules. But now, it’s a continuing stream of bills, projects, kids, jobs, worries and headaches that is LIFE in general. We, as adults, go through so many changes in our lives that it is nearly impossible to remember who we were back in the good old days (before so much responsibility).
Circumstances change. Some of us fight so hard to keep things the way they are, but the circumstances we are in are always changing. Sometimes for the good, like getting a raise or finding a new love; other times the change is harder, such as losing a job, bankruptcy, divorce or even death of a loved one.
When you boil it all down, what truly remains is a decision on how you are going to handle the changes life throws at you. It’s hard not to get frustrated, confused, hurt, angry and just feel completely overwhelmed. But it is also an amazing opportunity to trust in God and know that he has a plan and everything is going to work out in the end. In my situation 4 years ago, I was in a dead-end marriage that was headed into divorce, a job that made me miserable each morning I woke up and I was depressed knowing that life as I knew it was about to change. I was scared about what may happen. I remember hitting rock bottom and feeling terrified. Thankfully I had great family to take me under their wing until God’s plan took hold. That plan brought on more change: moved me to Des Moines, got a great job with Principal and introduced me to Eric. That was God’s plan! Everything leading up to it were changes that needed to happen to get me back on His path.
Now I realize that no matter what the future holds….with my job, our desire to start a family or even the house we live in…..I realize that change is inevitable. I know some may be hard to swallow, but in the long run, everything will work itself out. The train is always on the track, but I’m not in control of where it’s headed….my job is simply to hang on and try to enjoy the ride!
People change. Friends that you had in high school or college slip away. They become different people with different lifestyles and if you take time to reflect on it, you often find yourself realizing how little you have in common with the people who were once your whole world. Instead you turn to those who are with you day in and day out, whoever that may be - they become your best friends.
Lives change. We were all so anxious to become adults so we could make our own rules. But now, it’s a continuing stream of bills, projects, kids, jobs, worries and headaches that is LIFE in general. We, as adults, go through so many changes in our lives that it is nearly impossible to remember who we were back in the good old days (before so much responsibility).
Circumstances change. Some of us fight so hard to keep things the way they are, but the circumstances we are in are always changing. Sometimes for the good, like getting a raise or finding a new love; other times the change is harder, such as losing a job, bankruptcy, divorce or even death of a loved one.
When you boil it all down, what truly remains is a decision on how you are going to handle the changes life throws at you. It’s hard not to get frustrated, confused, hurt, angry and just feel completely overwhelmed. But it is also an amazing opportunity to trust in God and know that he has a plan and everything is going to work out in the end. In my situation 4 years ago, I was in a dead-end marriage that was headed into divorce, a job that made me miserable each morning I woke up and I was depressed knowing that life as I knew it was about to change. I was scared about what may happen. I remember hitting rock bottom and feeling terrified. Thankfully I had great family to take me under their wing until God’s plan took hold. That plan brought on more change: moved me to Des Moines, got a great job with Principal and introduced me to Eric. That was God’s plan! Everything leading up to it were changes that needed to happen to get me back on His path.
Now I realize that no matter what the future holds….with my job, our desire to start a family or even the house we live in…..I realize that change is inevitable. I know some may be hard to swallow, but in the long run, everything will work itself out. The train is always on the track, but I’m not in control of where it’s headed….my job is simply to hang on and try to enjoy the ride!
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