The Year of Happiness

I opened two fortune cookies last night after a run for HyVee Chinese food. The first said: "You will have a happy and peaceful life." Kinda generic, but still a keeper. The second one said, "This year will bring you happiness." I was thrilled to see those words. As cheesy as it is, I am keeping that one. Goodess ...I want so badly for this year to bring happiness!

Granted - 2008 was a good year. But as many of you know, I have had a few struggles with my health this year, including a miscarriage in November. I didn't blog about it because I felt it was something that should be private. But the truth is, it is a very painful memory of this past year and I needed to lean on friends and family to get through it. Anyone who has to go through something so traumatic - should not keep it a secret, but talk about it. It's the only way to make it easier.

I can't imagine anything that would bring me more happiness in 2009 than a baby. It's no secret that Eric and I have been trying to get pregnant. We have been using the "natural" method for nearly a year and a half. The worst part is knowing that the problems we are having are because of me. I can't tell you how disheartening it is as a woman to fail at the one thing you were put on this earth to do. It is a road I did not expect to have to travel, on top of the other health problems I have. And forgive me for saying this, if I hear one more friend, co-worker or random stranger announce that they "surprise!" are pregnant - I may just pull my fingernails out one by one with a dull pair of pliers. It's not that I'm not happy for those people, I am thrilled. But no one can understand the pain, jealousy and saddness that unintentionally creates, when announced to a woman who is struggling with infertility - unless they have been through it themselves.

All that said, I know that everything happens for a reason. This long and frustrating 18 months and counting has taught me a few key things that I needed reminding:
1) Patience is a virtue - one that I definitely needed some practice with.
2) I am not in control of my own destiny, God is
3) Eric and I are a strong couple. We can get through anything, as long as we stand together.

I pray that this New Year will bring all of you peace, health and above all, happiness.

Merry Christmas!

I know that it's officially Christmas finally...now that I have all my shopping done (who noticed that I was finishing the last of it yesterday, right?)

Despite all of the snow, ice, grumpy holiday shoppers, abused checking accounts and absolute insanity of Christmas "prep", I am finally in the Christmas spirit! The packages are all neatly tucked under the tree - only to be packed into the car this afternoon to head to Eric's parents house. I still don't know how we are going to get all four of us, two dogs, all of our stuff AND Christmas presents into one vehicle?! Thank goodness I married the "master packer" as he is known.

Anyway, the holidays can be exhausting - so be sure to slow down tomorrow and enjoy time with your family and friends. And as Loki knows, it's important to take a nap if you need to!

Merry Christmas to you and your families. Make this a safe and beautiful holiday.

Good laughs to get you through...

I have made it....through one more week. Last week was rough between the layoffs, and working an additional 38 hours at my second job on top of the 40 hours at my primary job. Let's just say it was a long, exhausting, emotionally distressing week. I was tired and crabby (as evident in my last post)! Thanks to everyone who put up with me last week, especially Eric, and helped me get through it!

Onto other things. I have to say, despite the hours, I really enjoy my second job bartending at the Prairie Meadows Events Center. The place is beautiful, and I get to be a part of a variety of events such as elaborate charity galas, fabulous wedding receptions, raucous company holiday parties and a variety of other fun events such as boxing, comedians, concerts, etc. The group of people I work with are the best! The bartenders are a close-knit crew who stick together to get the work done, share the wealth and have a some serious fun in the process. They are great people!

In contrast, I got to thinking about a couple people I do work with that....well....aren't so fun. It is amazing to me how some people can go through life with such a rotten attitude. Don't get me wrong - I OBVIOUSLY have my days, but for the most part, I would like to think I'm a somewhat positive, outgoing and friendly person - willing to help out where needed. And I would sure hope that if I'm not those things, someone who loves me will pull me aside and tell me to get the corncob out of my ass! Reality is- I like to surround myself with people that have a similar mind-set. I don't mean you have to have the same beliefs, lifestyle or opinions as me (let's face it - that would be boring). But I do love those that are friendly hard working, positive and love to laugh!

My point is - life is too short! Don't surround yourself with people that bring you down. So many people in this world are intent on playing the victim and the naysayer with everything they do. PEOPLE - we ALL have victim stories - get over it! If we hope to do great things in life, we need people around us that are encouraging, positive and willing to help us out if needed. On top of all that, I have realized that the most important quality I love in people - is the willingness to have fun and laugh!! Being at work for nearly 80 hours in a week definitely forced me to rely on those around me to keep me going. Thankfully, I have great friends, family and co-workers to bring a smile to my face when I'm asleep on my feet.

So shake off that bad attitude as I have. Deal with your negaitve thoughts, rationalize your reasons to move forward and begin to laugh at yourself. Force yourself to become one of those people that we all love to hang out with! To start you all off on the right path, I submit this horrifically embarrassing picture of myself for your enjoyment (sorry mom). Laugh it up.

In a Haze

Wow - it has been a rough few weeks! I feel like I am in a serious haze....like when you are staring out a car window, but not really watching anything. My eyes are glazed over and I'm seeing everything fly by, but am not alert enough to reconize it.

Principal laid off 550 employees on Tuesday. It was a dreadful day. Everyone knew it was coming, the air was thick, and people cowered at their desks wondering if they would be next. Two of my very good friends and confidants, were "let go". Actually, they were singled out, set up to fail, and eliminated based on personal biases, but what does that matter, right? I sat at my desk and heard the footsteps coming. They tapped on one person, then the next to say "do you have a minute?" I was shaking..waiting for the tap on my shoulder...a tap that never came. I still have a job, but it is one filled with resentment, disappointment and total lack of respect. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to have survived. It's just the sense of survivers guilt and anger that make it difficult to get up and stay positive each morning.

Between the issues I've struggled with personally in the past few weeks, to the layoffs, to the realization that this team, this job I had come to love and respect has all but disappeared - I just don't know what to do with myself. The economy is finally hitting home for so many of us. Even I am working 2 jobs to allow ourselves a little extra cushion to be able to afford something fun now and then - otherwise we would be scraping by like so many others. It's so hard to see people like myself and my friends work our tails off, follow the rules, try harder, jump higher and never ask why or what's in it for me - only to be eliminated in the long run. What devastation.

Ultimately, we need to look at what we have. Good friends and family...that is what will see us through the worst of times. I love my friends deeply and not sure what my life will be like when I don't get to wake up every day to come to work and enjoy their company. Obviously, nothing will get in the way of the friendships we have built......but it sure makes me sad that my environment as I know it has been permanently scarred.

The Rainbow through the Rain

So many times in my life, I get too caught up with the here and now, the unimportant little things of life. Maybe I'm frustrated with my job and the stress it causes. Maybe I'm sick of doing dishes and cleaning every free moment of my night. The thoughts can go all the way down to the tiniest, most selfish concerns, like wondering why my husband doesn't buy me flowers more often. Don't get me wrong, I don't spend all my time thinking about such superficial things, but I do catch myself focusing too much on the wrong things in life, instead of those that are right.

It seems that only through times of hardship or grief, do we truly look at what we have and are grateful for it. To some degree, it's human nature to always want more and perhaps take the things we already have for granted. But every now and then, God plants something big in your life. If you're lucky, it's something amazing that makes you even more grateful for the blessings you're surrounded by. But quite often, it is something that shakes your down to your very core and forces you to stare the cold hard world in the face. It's in those moments, that we decide what type of person we are; those moments where we can fight, flight or submit to His will.

I have shed many tears this past week. Some were tears of joy, but most were tears of sadness. I've had days where I felt my heart couldn't take anymore grief and frustration; moments where I literally did not know what to do with the tidal wave of emotions I was feeling.

If anything has come of this very turbulent week, it's that I realized I am a strong woman. I can get through whatever life throws at me because I am determined, and I have a strong support system of friends and family to lean on. More than anything, I have faith that there is always a rainbow after the rain...you just have to be patient enough to wait for it to appear in order to enjoy it's magnificent beauty. Here's to hoping the rain ends soon....

God is great

Today, I just wanted to proclaim how amazing God is.

If you pray, He will listen.
If you cry, He will dry your tears.
If you accept him as the Father, you will become His child.
If you give to those in need, He will provide for you.
If you have pain in your heart, He will give you peace.
If you praise, He will rejoice in you.

For all the times in my life that I've felt completely out of control, frustrated and angry - I have eventually realized that I need to put all of troubles in His hands. I used to think He did not hear me, had forgotten about me, and had no plan for my life....but He does. So many times I worried that He wasn't hearing my prayers....He is. I have learned to trust that He will answer in his own time, when we are ready to hear it. He has worked so many blessings in my life.

We don't always get what we wish for after all, God is not intended to be a genie. But He does, however, have amazing power to bring peace to your heart, if you are willing to lay in the stillness, listen and wait patiently for an answer.

I am grateful that I have learned that I am not in control of my own life and my destiny. Only God knows what is best for me, and when...and I'm so thankful for that!

Happy Halloween!

It has been way too long since I have posted, and I have no excuse. But I'm happy to say we had a great Halloween! Although we didn't have the boys for trick-or-treating, we did get to enjoy carving pumpkins with them on a beautiful fall day!

We also had the chance to host another rockin' Halloween party with our friends. It has become a tradition that we love. Everyone had a blast, and there were some fantastic costumes again this year! Here are some pics - enjoy!

The Hardest Words

What are the hardest words to say? I'm not talking about the pronunciation, but the hardest words to say. For some people, it's "I love you." Thankfully for me that has come somewhat easy throughout the years, mostly because I have been blessed by so much love in my life. Although many of us as kids, didn't grow up hearing (or saying) those words to our parents or siblings. That perhaps is a lesson made easier as an adult.

Another one that is rarely heard (except by kids doing homework) is, "I need help." How many of us are comfortable asking someone for help, or worse, accepting help if it is offered? So often we are stubborn and think we can, and are expected to, handle anything that is thrown our way. Sometimes it is sickness, perhaps a financial burden, or maybe even mere emotional strain or turmoil. How often do we ask people for help? Why is it so hard to admit that we want to or need to lean on someone? I know I try to offer my help as frequently as I can, although it is often not accepted. I truly hope those I offer it to know that it is a gift, and should be accepted as such. Too many times we feel we will be a burden if we ask for it, or accept it.

But perhaps one of the hardest phrases to utter is those unmistakable words, "I'm sorry." Sadly, my mind reels at the number of times I have uttered those words. Many times as a child when I didn't fully grasp the need for authenticity behind my pleas. But more often, I have uttered those words as an adult. Not out of need or obligation, but as a need for redemption. I have hurt so many friends through frivolous and unnecessary words. I have disappointed those whose opinions I value most. I have created eternal heartache with those I have loved. Yet through all that, I have gained one powerful skill....the ability to say "I'm sorry". In my opinion it is never too late. Whether it's an old friend who you made the butt of jokes in school, a former relationship that went sour due to your bad decisionmaking, or perhaps even a family member you disrespected....it is never too late to tell them you are sorry. Although it is not something I wish I had learned, I certainly thank God for learning the need to swallow my pride and recognize my regret to others.

Think about what your difficult words are...there are more out there than you think. PErhaps they are words that you never heard as a child, or those you still long to hear. Chances are, if they are words that are hard for you to say, there's probably a reason.....
"I miss you."
"I'm proud of you."
"I forgive you"

If nothing else, pick one phrase and master not only the ability to say it - but the true ability to embrace what it stands for and live it every day.

Unappreciated Blessings

Some days I just want to clock out. Have you had those days? The ones that drain you to the point that you want to close the curtain and say, "thank you and goodnight!!" It was a good weekend - don't get me wrong, but it was one of those weekends that didn't seem to stop. It was one thing after another, as soon as I accomplished something, I stumbled across the next thing screaming to be done. On top of that, I signed myself up to work a very long 11-hour shift on Saturday night.

Sometimes it's not the things that need done, but the things that merely exist. It is something that was said that just doesn't sit right, something that was done that I disagreed with, the feeling I have when something is nagging at me....and those circumstances that were too frustrating to acknowledge. All of these things have a tendency to slowly chip away at any patience or energy I may have left for the day.

Don't get me wrong - I acknowledge that I'm being a total whiner, (after all, isn't that what having a blog is for?) I am lucky enough to be complaining about the very same things that I love. Being surrounded by people I am passionate about, having a great home and being able to lay down at night and feel good that I accomplished something and made a difference to those around me. There are many people in this world who only care about themselves - they neglect friends, parents and most importantly...children. To those people, I'd just like to say WAKE UP! It may be tough sometimes, it may be an inconvenience and it may require a little extra thought or effort on your part. But hard work is rewarding, whether it's the mundane tasks of daily life, or those extra touches that make someone's life a little brighter. After all, who really knows what tomorrow may hold?

It is these every day little things that I ponder on a daily basis, but today, I definitely realized these are unappreciated blessings. I thank God for hard work, and my ability to do great things every day - no matter how much they may wear me out!

Emotions Galore

Well, I started a new job this weekend. No, I didn't leave Principal, but I took on a new job as a bartender at a local event center (which will remain nameless). I had a rough first day being the new kid! "Excuse me maam, how do I get to the locker room?" or "where do I find that again?" got a little old after two short hours. In addition to getting lost at every turn, I was also frustrated by not knowing what to do or how to do it, and trying to meet people all on night one.
The work is tiring, being on your feet the whole time, sometimes lifting heavy items and walking a lot, and serving rude people while hoping they throw you a tip. On the drive home after the first night, I was done. I was convincing myself I couldn't do it, it wasn't worth it. I was frustrated and my body felt like it was going to crumble into pieces.

Thankfully, I woke up the next day feeling sore, but better. However, I was due to go in at 2:00pm and had a long night ahead - I was dreading it. Eric and the boys were partying at the Iowa game, and I was stuck putting on a uniform and going back in for another long night. Surprisingly, the 2nd night went much better. I already knew where to go, had met a couple people the night before, and started to get the hang of things. I still worked my butt off! But thankfully, I walked out at the end of my 11-hour shift the 2nd night feeling like I had toppled the dragon! This was something I could do - mostly because I was thrilled with the amount of extra money I had just earned.

On top of those emotions, I missed my husband terribly. I hadn't "seen" (meaning when he's not sleeping) Eric since Thursday night. I felt exhausted AND lonely. But when I walked in the door on Sunday morning at 2am, I was greeted with an amazing love note. He had written me a note telling me how much he missed me this weekend, how proud he was of me, and how he couldn't wait to spend some time with me. Not only did he leave that amazing note, but this morning, I found a gift bag and card in my car as a surprise! He went out last night and bought me the black Iowa Hawkeyes sweatshirt I've been wanting, and wrote me another wonderful note. What an amazing man I married. I'm very grateful that God blessed me with him and I never want to take him for granted. I love you baby.

After a long, hard weekend...I'm ready for another long week at my day job! Thankfully, I have a little extra hard earned cash in my pocket, a wonderful and loving man by my side and a great Iowa game to look forward to this weekend. One thing I guess I know to be true....work hard, play hard! Go Hawks!

I wanna go....

Home - ”a place of residence or refuge”

I heard the word used today in the elevator when someone remarked, “If it starts raining in here today, I’m going home for the day!” And for a brief minute, I indulged in the word itself. HOME….how good it sounds.

Being stuck at work on a rainy day that would be better spent in bed under the covers may not be the best example. But referring to the joy of home occurs in my conversations on a weekly basis. There are so many times when I hear or use the word home and get a feeling of longing and comfort. Perhaps it’s after a long road trip, “I can’t wait to get home,” or the comfort I feel when I hear my husband say, “don’t worry, I’ll be home soon.” Even smaller references that we hardly ever notice, like when the kids say “I can’t wait to get home so we can watch movies together” provides a feeling of ease.

Not surprisingly, I don’t feel that the word home implies the structure itself. It is more the feeling derived from being there. I love being at home because it’s my space, it is where I am the most comfortable, it’s where so many wonderful memories are created, and it is where my family keeps me company. The word home can be applied to so many aspects of our lives. It could be, in its simplest form, where your family is. It could be a hotel room (like my brother Todd and his family in Germany right now) or the tiny 1 bedroom apartment we all started out in. More often then not, it’s not about what type of structure it is or how much you spent on it – but how it makes you feel when you are there.

I take such pride in my home, not only as a structure, but as my place of solace. I hate leaving it when I wake up in the morning, and count the hours until I can go back. I love knowing that it provides everything I need, and that it is a place where my family and I can feel safe and together. It is a place where I can retreat from the cares of today, and put off the worries of tomorrow, and simply absorb its graciousness.

Knowing that there is a place I have created, not only for myself, but my family – where we can be together and be surrounded by all the things we love, is such an amazing feeling.

Invisible?

I heard on the news last night that scientists have taken the first step towarsd creating an invisible cloak! That's crazy! I think there are already days where I feel invisible without any cloak needed. Yesterday was one of those days for me.

I go to work, keep my head down (because I have so much to do), occasionally chat with friends for a minute, but otherwise....I am invisible. In the evening, I'm alone at home relaxing, the phone doesn't ring, no one comes to the door ...I am invisible.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes it is nice to literally fly under the radar. If I'm having a bad day and want to be left alone, or if I really need to just get away from everything - those are great days to keep to yourself and hope not to be noticed. But most days, I enjoy interaction with others. I love friends asking how my weekend was, or my husband calling to say he misses me. Those things make the difference between a good day and a bad day.

Last night, lying in bed at midnight not being able to sleep....I was listening to the utter stillness outside and wondered what it was like to be completely invisible for a day? No one to notice you and say hi, no one to call and make sure you're still alive, just total and utter seclusion from everyone.

I may not have been secluded from anything yesterday....but some reason, I still felt invisible.

Surprise!

One of the many things I love in life are surprises. Majority of the surprises I've had in life have been good ones! Most of my include things like finding out my band or choir won 1st place in a major competition, or the time I was asked out on my first date. Then there are the classics that are burned in your memory forever, like the proposal by the love of my life.

Unfortunately in life, surprises are a two-edged sword. They can come at you with the best news, or they can hit you with the news you didn't want to hear...like a family member has cancer, a brother or sister is having marriage difficulties, or a close friend is really upset with you. I do not handle bad surprises well, I go into shock and don't know what to do or say. As much as I consider myself a 'good communicator', there are certain occasions where "I'm sorry" or "this shouldn't be happening to you" just doesn't cut it. Those are times when I could do without being surprised and would rather know what to be prepared for on a daily basis.

The ones we are in control of are great! Like surprising my husband by painting our basement in Iowa Hawkeye colors, or him surprising me with a ring I'd had my eye on for an anniversary present. I love surprising other people just about as much as I love getting surprised. Thankfully, I have a husband who realizes that (thanks baby).

One thing in life is for sure, there will always be surprises - and we aren't in control of majority of them. The best thing we can do is trust that God will give us the guidance and strength to get through the difficult ones, and the sincere gratitude and graciousness to truly enjoy the good ones.

Back to Reality

It was an amazing trip! A great time in a beautiful location with amazing friends. I wish I could say that I'm happy to be back, but I'm not.

After a nice long vacation, you get anxious to come home and be in your own surroundings. You miss kids, pets, friends and always miss sleeping in your own bed! But after a few days, reality hits you in the face like a crushing wave off the Gulf of Mexico....you are back to normal, everyday life.So, although it is comforting to be back in the U.S. and definitely nice to sleep in our own bed - I already miss vacation. Mostly because it was so peaceful. You didn't have a care in the world. I got up early in the mornings and went walking on the beach. It was great. I saw some beautiful sunsets and amazing waves. It was just nice to focus on enjoying life instead of worrying about everything back here.

Now that vacation is over - the summer seems to drudge on; work, laundry, cleaning, kids, tired, work, stressed, sickness, bills, work......you get the picture. Here are a few pictures from our trip.

Cancun here we come!

Well, it’s official – I am off for vacation! It can’t come too soon either.

We have had many bad happenings at work lately including layoffs, demotions, and changes in management. I don’t feel anyone is getting treated fairly – and as far as me personally, I feel of no value there whatsoever. Current management is content to turn the environment into a remake of “Office Space”. I feel people are being stripped of all value, respect and self-worth. Everyone is being “encouraged” to keep their mouths shut and their heads down – and definitely no talking or open communication allowed! I have never feared for my job before, and it’s not a fun feeling. I hope I’m not another one that loses their job when the final year-end tally comes in, but if I am, it could be a blessing in disguise. It’s been a long time since I “hated” coming to work everyday. But unfortunately, I do. And it’s not just me that has been feeling that way. It’s so sad to see, I hope it doesn’t continue. But for the time being, I’m going to continue to be a team player.

As for me this week, I am headed to Cancun with my cute hubby and some great friends! I will do my best to not think of work AT ALL but will definitely be dreading coming back. Rachel and I have even considered moving there and learning how to braid hair and train Eric and Kurt to fish and open their own market stand. Then we can get out from under “the man” here in the U.S. I mean after all, the medications are dirt cheap there, and so is the booze….so maybe eloping to live in the Cancun sun for the rest of my life isn’t such a bad idea!

In other news, we had family photos taken this past weekend so I wanted to share. Aren’t the boys getting big!? It was so much fun to get pictures done. It’s the first time I’ve ever had family photos of my own (that weren’t my wedding photos). I love the family I’m in and I hope it will only get bigger as the years go by.

I’m off to Mexico ….Adios! This blog will be continued after June 30th…….

Starting new...not settling down

We have had a very long past few weeks. Between spring cleaning, baseball games, visits to family, garage sales, volleyball, softball and Eric’s classes….it has been hectic! (It gives me a new appreciation for the women/mothers who juggle much more than me!) I am learning how precious some quiet time alone can be, and how much I love an hour to relax and spend time with my husband. While reflecting on all that, I realized that maybe this “chaotic lifestyle” we’ve been living the past few weeks isn’t a phase – maybe this is life!

I know it sounds funny, but I think I’m finally realizing that the term “settling down” doesn’t mean what it implies at all! Granted, we enjoy a great house and family together. However, that may mean the crazy weekends of hitting the latest bar or restaurant, lazy Sunday mornings sleeping in and cooking breakfast together, and the romantic nights with candles and a bottle of wine are inevitably the rarity now instead of the norm! Did I miss the boat on that transition? Have I been delusional all this time thinking that life could still be that way? Or maybe I just need to adjust my way of thinking!

The simple truth is, weekend nights are now enjoyed with the boys watching a movie and eating popcorn on the couch. Sunday mornings often include church, lunch, and maybe the boys’ baseball/soccer games. And romantic nights with candles and wine usually mean passing out early and waking up just in time for work with a headache! Wait….when did I get old? Where is that in the “I want to get married and start a family” handbook?

In all my times of reflection, I think I have realized this is just the natural transition from the single/dating life to the married with children life. But with those changes come with some additional experiences, such as grilling dinner at home while the dogs and kids play in the backyard, armpit-fart competitions with the boys in the pool, and other goofy and completely absurd moments that make being part of a new family so much fun. I love having those new moments, I cherish them and wouldn’t trade them for anything.

And yet, there is one thing I do not agree to succumb to. I don’t think “settling down” means you need to sacrifice the old things you once loved to do. In my past, I thought that beginning a life with someone meant to needed to sacrifice everything; find common hobbies instead of individual ones, sacrifice time with friends in order to spend more alone time with your partner. In reality, that is a tragic mistake too many of us often make. I now know that I still need those moments….time to myself to relax and unwind, the occasional Saturday night to party like college kids with my girlfriends, and the random Friday night with candles and a nice dinner with my husband.

Maybe the term "settling down" shouldn't be used at all. Technically, it's about starting over. It's about knowing what experiences and habits to give up, in order to make room for new and equally enjoyable ones. I think it’s different for each person. But for me, I love having the best of both worlds…and would like to keep it that way for a while.

Put it into practice

I recently got an email from a friend with “40 tips for a better life”. I enjoyed reading through it and picked up a lot of useful tips for ways to de-stress, laugh more, and relax your life. However, in this list, there were a few that stood out to me more than the other 35. They are listed below:

· Don't take yourself so seriously, no one else does.
· Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
· No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
· Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
· The best is yet to come.

How true those are! I am obviously very introspective by nature. But I think phrases like these are crucial to remembering who we are and what is truly important in this life. The main thing that I think we should remember is that we are in control of our own destiny. Only we can decide to forgive and move forward, to find the best within each day, to love unconditionally, and to treat others the way we hope to be treated. It's all simple in theory - but some days is difficult to put into practice.

Take this beautiful holiday weekend and try to realize how lucky you are. Try to find a way to remind yourself that the life on this earth is temporary, and you need to make the most of it because no one can guarantee tomorrow. Focus on the love of your family and friends, the blessings that surround you each day (house, car, job) and maybe even what you could do for someone less fortunate in such a trying time. After all, what kind of legacy are you going to leave when you are gone? What a better place this world would be if we each just tried a little harder to "pay it forward".

Enjoy the ride

Change is inevitable. It is one thing that I continue to be reminded of each day.

People change. Friends that you had in high school or college slip away. They become different people with different lifestyles and if you take time to reflect on it, you often find yourself realizing how little you have in common with the people who were once your whole world. Instead you turn to those who are with you day in and day out, whoever that may be - they become your best friends.

Lives change. We were all so anxious to become adults so we could make our own rules. But now, it’s a continuing stream of bills, projects, kids, jobs, worries and headaches that is LIFE in general. We, as adults, go through so many changes in our lives that it is nearly impossible to remember who we were back in the good old days (before so much responsibility).

Circumstances change. Some of us fight so hard to keep things the way they are, but the circumstances we are in are always changing. Sometimes for the good, like getting a raise or finding a new love; other times the change is harder, such as losing a job, bankruptcy, divorce or even death of a loved one.

When you boil it all down, what truly remains is a decision on how you are going to handle the changes life throws at you. It’s hard not to get frustrated, confused, hurt, angry and just feel completely overwhelmed. But it is also an amazing opportunity to trust in God and know that he has a plan and everything is going to work out in the end. In my situation 4 years ago, I was in a dead-end marriage that was headed into divorce, a job that made me miserable each morning I woke up and I was depressed knowing that life as I knew it was about to change. I was scared about what may happen. I remember hitting rock bottom and feeling terrified. Thankfully I had great family to take me under their wing until God’s plan took hold. That plan brought on more change: moved me to Des Moines, got a great job with Principal and introduced me to Eric. That was God’s plan! Everything leading up to it were changes that needed to happen to get me back on His path.

Now I realize that no matter what the future holds….with my job, our desire to start a family or even the house we live in…..I realize that change is inevitable. I know some may be hard to swallow, but in the long run, everything will work itself out. The train is always on the track, but I’m not in control of where it’s headed….my job is simply to hang on and try to enjoy the ride!

These are some good times

It was a good weekend, one full of memories. Sunday we met my parents in the Amana Colonies for lunch. My dad grew up there, and I used to visit my grandma, or ‘Oma’ in German, as a kid nearly every weekend. Sadly, since her death, I’ve only been to visit a handful of times. We went to the cemetery first, then around town and out to lunch. It is so sad to hear my dad talk about all the friends and relatives he has in that cemetery – there is a lot of history there. It’s even more sad to hear my mom and dad anguish about which of them is going to be buried where. Frankly, when my day comes – I want my ashes to be spread somewhere beautiful for everyone to come enjoy and remember, instead of having family come mourn my death at a graveyard, to each their own I guess.

I really enjoyed taking a walk down memory lane in the Amanas. So many stories pop in my head of hearing my brothers talk about working at the General Store, sneaking wine samples, etc. I also have many childhood memories of helping my dad sell postcards (back before the days of internet or e-cards) and how that is one of those things I hated at the time, but now look fondly on. I can’t help but think of some song lyrics by Trace Adkins. Even if you aren’t a country music fan, you should look it up and listen to it, and relish in the truth of the lyrics that go like this:
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days
Hadn’t gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this

Times like this weekend make me reminisce and smile. Thankfully when I look back at old photos or revisit places that have slowly begun to fade from my memory, I am reminded again of how precious those days were, and how I miss them in some ways. I wish we could realize as a kid how great some of the experiences we go through really are. Sadly, it’s not until much later, long after “those days” are gone that we can truly appreciate them.

There's nothing better

There's nothing better on a rainy spring day than staying in bed, cuddling, napping and listening to the rain hit your window. Unfortunately I wasn't able to do that today, but I still enjoy a great thunderstorm. Sure the rain may be annoying trying to get to and from during our busy lives, but it's so great to listen to the thunder and know that bluer skies are just around the corner.

There is nothing better than spring. I love to get out as a family and enjoy the renewal that spring brings with it. After being cooped up all winter, we recently enjoyed a great weekend outside of planting flowers, washing the cars and going to the park. It is definitely long overdue.

Like almost everything, it again makes me reflect on the life and the family I have. It's no secret that Eric and I are hoping to make our family bigger in the near future. However, life doesn't always deal you the hand you want. It is proving to be a little more difficult than once thought, but we still have faith that if it is meant to be, it will be. We have also had the difficult conversation of what happens if it just isn't meant to be. That decision may be easier said than done. The fact is, that regardless of what our future holds, I have faith that God has a plan for us. I have a wonderful husband who I love dearly, and am blessed to be able to help raise two great little boys.....how blessed I am already!

Truth is....there's nothing better than being happy with your life. Contentment is not a dirty word - it's one that many people struggle to embrace. We always want more, "need" more, desire more. Whatever happened to being grateful for everything we have, without always wanting more? Don't get me wrong, I desire things just as much as anyone else, but when I truly peel it all away - I am SO HAPPY with my life as it is, right now, today, regardless of what God has planned for me tomorrow and beyond.

Burnt out!

I am burnt out on this winter. I'm so stressed out and frustrated and don't have very good excuse. I'm tired of not getting any sunshine or fresh air. I'm sick of gloomy, cold, rainy/snowy days. My soul needs spring to come quicker!

Eric and I have been crabby the past few days, we've been fighting colds and trying to sort out the chaos of getting the boys signed up for spring sports, dealing with stress at work, etc. But I think the main reason that I am so much more stressed is because I'm sick of feeling cooped up! It's hard to unwind from things when I'm stuck in the office or the house 24/7. The kids and dogs are both climbing the walls, and the winter routine is dragging me down with it!

I think in order to get back to feeling like my normal self - I need to see some green! And I'm not talking about money (although that would help relieve some stress too), I'm referring to green grass, green flowers and the colors of spring!

The good news is that the nicer weather is around the corner, I know it. I just need to get excited about being outdoors more, getting off the couch and getting more exercise, and letting the cool, crisp breezes of spring renew my soul! I am counting the days!

No regrets

Do you ever have those days that make you think “what if”? What if you had gone to a different college? What if you hadn’t broken up with that boyfriend? What if you would have taken that job out of state? Sometimes I think about old friends I've lost touch with, opportunities I had, experiences that changed me, and decisions that pushed me in a different direction. I do a lot of pondering like that. I don’t do it to dwell on the past, but enjoy the memories and marvel at the amazing path my life has taken.

Most memories I think back on are good ones. I had a great childhood, good older brothers (even though they picked on me), amazing parents, a fantastic high school and college experience, etc. But spiced throughout those early years, I think back on things I would have and should have done differently. There were so many tears, too much "people-pleasing" in order to make friends, being afraid to stray too far from home and sticking with what was comfortable for me. Don’t get me wrong – I had some great successes! But in hindsight, I feel like there were times I should have grown up quicker, been stronger, not cared what people thought as much and thrown caution to the wind. The fact of the matter is, that just wasn't me.

It’s hard not to look back and think "oh, I wish I would have done that". Or to hear about someone I once knew and how successful they are, and reconsider the route I took. Then I wake up and realize that I’m being ridiculous to think such negative things. Perhaps it is just that old habit of being jealous that tends to creep in….I did too much of that in the past as well.

My reality is, I have a great life. I have made my fair share of poor decisions and mistakes – but ultimately I have come out on top. I have always searched for way to make myself better, help others more and expand the purpose of my life as a whole . There may continue to be times where I reflect upon what I could have done different, but ultimately I know there is nothing I should have done different, or I would not be where I am now. My parents comment that I am happier than they’ve ever seen me. What a huge compliment to that path I’ve taken in life – to be able to reflect my own happiness back into the lives of those around me.

Ultimately, I want a life with memories - but no regrets - and so far I am doing great!

Days of sadness and reflection

It’s been a sad few days of my life. My grandmother passed away on Saturday after a brief but brutal battle with cancer. She was a stubborn, tough, secretly caring and sometimes controversial part of my family’s life and we are saddened to see her leave us.

Being at her funeral and listening to the words spoken made me reflect on my own life. Seeing my family together in such a hard time created a surge of emotion. How amazing it is that we can all pull together in times of need. How sad it is that it mainly happens on holidays or funerals. Or even more, to think about how lucky I am that I’ve had very few funerals to attend so far in my life. I think about how many times I still have yet to sit in pews and mourn the loved ones and friends that will pass before me. Somehow I doubt it will get any easier, and it pains my heart to think about it.

It also made me think about the life people leave after death. How we look back and reflect about the person they were, and what we want to be remembered by? Is it the items in our home, the hobbies we had, or the person we were? My grandma had so many stories she never told anyone. She had an apartment filled with items that no one recognized or knew the history behind. She lived a very difficult life, and yet had trouble opening up to anyone to let them in or let them help. And yet, she had a chapel filled with family and friends, and people whose lives were somehow impacted by hers.

More than anything – this weekend made me realize how important it is to make an impact with the life God blessed us with. Whether it be through dedication and love to your family, time and money donated to a charitable cause, or setting a good example for everyone about how precious (and short) this gift of life is. We need to make the most of it, reflect on it, improve it and thank God for it.

Our time on this earth is temporary. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. What we choose to do with the middle part is up to us, the rest is not. We are at God’s mercy, and he is watching us, asking “what will you do with these gifts I have blessed you with, my child?”

I take comfort in knowing that the loved ones that have passed before me, were greeted at the gates of Heaven by the angels. I love to remember what the Bible says in Psalm 23:
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

New in town

You could practically hear the neighbors say, "there's a new crazy lady in town".

Today marked a slight psychotic moment for me as I chopped away at the two feet of ice boulders that were left at the opening of my driveway by the plows. As I chopped away at it with a metal garden shovel (plastic would be a joke), I turned into a mad woman, chopping at the ice, getting angrier and angrier with each stab I took. Although I think I might have momentarily blacked out in my rage - I think I vaguely remember screaming obscenities at one point. Let's just say, it was not one of my prouder moments, and probably scared everyone within a one block distance back into their houses.

I would like to consider myself one of mother natures more tolerant inhabitants of this world...especially in the winter. Yes, I manage to complain by the end of each winter, but for the most part, I realize I live here and there is nothing I can do about it. However, this winter has pushed me to my brink. Between the bitter cold that freezes the hairs in your nose upon stepping outside the house, to the hours of time spent with the shovel in hand like an explorer, trying to find what lies beneath the 10" of ice I once called my driveway - I have had it.

I am going on the record to protest the rest of this winter season! I am crying uncle, I am exposing my belly (dog reference) and I concede to being the biggest loser in this bitter battle against this wretched season they call winter. Despite all my fears of bugs in the spring and dreadfully sweltering humidity and heat in the summer, I am somehow managing to look forward to the warmer weather. I am officially tired of being held captive in my own house (with 2 kids, 2 dogs and a husband) because the weather cannot allow me a brief moment of peace to enjoy myself in the wonderful outdoors.

I guess there is nothing left to say, but good riddance. My tirade has exhausted me and think it's time to go put my sweatpants on.

Tears and triumph

The challenges and rewards anyone faces as a stepparent can be overwhelming. Every situation you are presented with is completely foreign to you. Many people will say, "well parenting your own children is the same thing." My response to that is definite and resounding, "no it's not."

When they are your own children, you get to feel the joy of creating them, having them, knowing they are part of you. You have the ability to nuture them, gradually learn about them and watch them grow into what you hope them to be. I'm positive it's not without its challenges and times of bewilderment, but what a beautiful experience that must be! I hope I can experience it someday.

Stepparenting is different. It requires creating a bond with children you don't know. It requires a strong backbone with a delicate, soft tone of voice. As a stepmom in particular, you are expected to have a more active role and involvement in the care-taking of your stepchildren. As a childless stepmom, you need to have a motherly instinct on how to handle situations, despite having never had children of your own. You must always tread lightly, and be careful not to overstep your bounds - after all, you aren't their parent. You need to be sensitive and compassionate in every situation - even if it's foreign to you. You need to enforce rules and yet be a friend. You have an investment in caring about these children, but you don't always get a 'voice at the table.'

As a stepmom, you also add on the feelings of anger and resentment toward the ex, who comes with this package. You may even feel jealousy in the fact that they will be bonded to your spouse forever because of these children. There is a sense of loyalty between them that cannot be broken by you. In fact, you are just added to the mix. You often may feel like a third wheel, either between your spouse and his ex, or your spouse and his children.

Too many families also deal with a parent that does not contribute, putting you, as a stepparent, in the position of doing more than they ever will. Parents should be the caretakers, they should provide for their children. But what if the ex doesn't? Then once again it is up to you, not just in child support, but in helping raise these kids right. After all, no one wants to see kids go without the opportunities we all had as kids. It's sad to see how many kids are put in that situation. They miss out on so many experiences because they are constantly shuttled between houses, getting caught in he said-she said divorces, and struggling to figure out why rules are different at each house.

My mom was a stepchild, it was a very difficult situation for her. Thankfully, she was blessed with an amazing dad and a loving stepmom. I never truly appreciated that until I became a stepmom myself. What a huge impact you can have on a child's life by being a stepmom! It brings a smile to my face that I can provide experiences, feelings and opportunities for these kids that they would not have otherwise gotten. I can strive to be a better listening, provider and teacher. I can learn from them just as much as they can learn from me.

I can say from personal experience, that being a stepmom has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I said to myself in the beginning "I love kids, I have several nieces and nephews!" But I was joking myself. It is radically different to be fully invested in a child's life - children that are put in your care, even though they aren't yours. There have been times of frustration, feelings of isolation, lack of privacy, utter helplessness, anger, resentment and even jealousy at times. You may think that is terrible, but is it? Do new parents go through the same thing adjusting to a new baby? I can say that every trial I've been through as a new step-mom has made me a better person and hopefully a better parent. The other side of things is even better. It is the amazing feeling of being invited to become a new family, joy in seeing smiles I bring to their face, kisses and hugs I get as they run in the door, and the most adorable pictures and poems they write about our family that I put on the fridge.

I'm blessed to be a stepmom. It brings new challenges each day, but also amazing opportunities to grow as a person and be a crucial part of their lives. I'm also blessed to have a supportive husband, who somehow manages to find a balance between the dedication to his children and the struggles I go through as a new stepmom. I trust that I will continue to get better with each passing year, and maybe someday even have children of my own. Then I can experience the feelings of a parent from the beginning. But in the meantime, I will continue through the tears and the triumph of being a very important stepmom to two wonderful boys.

Hang on....

February 18th....what a great day! Just 31 years ago today, God granted me life, and blessed my family with a new baby girl! What a joyous day!
Birthdays have a tendency to make us reflect on the past year, and on our lives in general. Today I'm reflecting back thinking about what birthdays used to be like. As a kid, my parents always made my birthdays memorable. We had parties and presents, sleepovers with friends....all the wonderful memories kids should have of their birthdays. Today, I hope to carry on some of those traditions with my family as we grow together. Then in college, birthdays were about partying, and enjoying newfound freedom. Going out with friends was a birthday ritual when you turn 21! As an adult, my birthdays started out poorly. At the time, I had a spouse who was inconsiderate of the importance of the day, and blind to the joy of giving and trying to make someone feel special on their day. I'm glad those days are over, they were never special.

Now that I'm in a new city, with a new life and a very special man I love dearly, I find that my birthday is better than ever! Age is just a number, the true importance of a birthday is to reflect on how happy you are in life. If you aren't happy, it's a time to discover why and make a change to ensure that the upcoming year will be better. Thankfully, I am happier than I've ever been. I'm surrounded by a great family, loving friendships and an amazing relationship with the man of my dreams and his two boys. I know that God has even better things for me in the future.

A card I got for my birthday states it best, "Hang on - God has good things in store - things to bring a breathless contented smile to your heart of hearts."

(Special thanks to Eric today for my beautiful birthday present - here's to an amazing "journey" together)

Pure Joy

When was the last time you experienced a good laugh? Not just a “my co-worker said something funny” chuckle, or a strained laugh because everyone else is – but I’m talking pure 100% laughter. The kind of laughter you love because it makes your stomach hurt and you end up begging someone to stop before you pee your pants!

I love to laugh. It is one of the purest joys in my life. I enjoy a good laugh in some of the most unexpected places, like at work! I love telling great stories and laughing with my friends at work about who was dancing in the elevator with secret security cameras watching! Or even at home on a quiet night with Eric and the dogs, when Eric is a sarcastic ass and the dogs are being crazy. I adore the fact that my husband can truly make me laugh. I love letting out an authentic snort and giggle when he tells a story or plays with the dogs.

I think laughing is underrated and under-utilized. What a stress reliever to let go of worries, inhibitions, chores, excuses and whatever else holds you back long enough to enjoy the true comedy of a situation. I can’t help but smile as I write this, thinking back on last Saturday night when during a tubing outing at Sleepy Hollow, I witnessed two grown men slip on the ice and fall on each other – dumping one another out of their tubes (thankfully, no one was hurt). Oh, did I enjoy that one! And what about seeing someone else laugh? It puts a true smile on my face and in my heart to see those closest to me, experience so much joy that they can’t help but let it spill out.

Although the genuine moments of true laughter tend to be too few and far between, one thing is certain, we can all find a little more time in our day to enjoy the gift of laughter. So take time out to call a friend, watch a funny movie, act like a kid again, or tell a good story and try to experience the purest joy of laughing. I promise – you’ll love it.

Jealousy

Jealousy: hostile thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival, or one believed to enjoy an advantage.

What a wasted emotion, but it is something that has afflicted all of us at one point or another. Jealousy is a disease that can pick away at your self-esteem, happiness, your hopes and dreams. But maybe it is human nature to look at another person and be jealous of what they have, or who they are. Maybe they have an amazing house or car you wish you had, maybe they have more family or friends than you do, maybe it's as simple as the fact that everything in their life seems to go exactly as they plan, unlike the rest of us. Any variety of things can wreak jealousy in your heart.

I admit, I have spent much of my youth and even my adult life being jealous of others. I've been jealous of friends and family at times. I can drill down even further, admitting to being jealous of those that are skinnier, wealthier, more carefree, in a more loving relationship, more determined, better job....honestly the list could go on and on. What a terrible sickness it is to always be jealous of others? How quickly that will erode any recognition you have of yourself!

Let's face it, we can't help but compare what we have to what others have - whether it's money, relationships, material items, jobs, etc. But there is a distinct difference in comparing, or being jealous. Let's look at it from a different angle, for every person that you are jealous of, chances are, there are 10 that are jealous of you. So perhaps it is an issue of none of us being grateful for what we ourselves have - therefore we always have to see how our lives "stack up" against others? Whatever happened to the commandment of "thou shalt not covet"?

After some careful reflection today, and good conversation with friends, I came to realize a few key things that are crucial to me. I have no rivals. I love my life, I love the person I am, I love the wealth of opportunities God has blessed me with. I am finally in a place in my life, where I can truly look at myself and my life and be overjoyed. I am more aware of what I have, and am jealous of no one.

So Many Roles

Why does it seem like most weekends, are spent working? I don't mean stuck in the office. But considering how much we look forward to weekends, its amazing how much time I feel like I spend working when I'm here at home....laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc. And that's with a husband who helps out on occasion! It's not just housework that gets me thinking about this - but the role that we all play in our family.

As a wife and mother, you could say on any given day, I play the role of caretaker, friend, consoler, maid, dogsitter, banker, and of course, lover and mother. We all fall into roles within our own lives and families. Some women carry majority of the weight, and sometimes it's the men. But regardless, the roles that we play definitely affect what (if any) freetime we have and how we spend it. I not only need to help take care of my family, cheer them up when they are down, provide for them, etc - but I also need to do all those things for myself! I need time to reflect, relax, exercise and play. Thankfully we have a pretty good balance in our family, everyone pitches in as needed. But for the most part we all play a specific role that your family members/significant others rely on.

This weekend is another busy one, but also enjoyable - finding time to ignore the dishes and leave the laundry - and enjoy time together.

What gets you out of bed?

It is so great to wake up each morning and think to yourself, "what do I have to look forward to today?" Even if it's not something immediate, or even anything that exciting....for me it is what gets me out of bed each day.

This weekend, I enjoyed time with my family, and friends. I enjoyed a night at home with "my" boys ordering pizza and watching movies, swimming lessons, and going for a walk with the dogs. I also enjoyed time with a good friend - laughing and acting like kids again. Sometimes it's the simple things that seem to bring the most pleasure.

Each day brings new things to look forward to, even if it's a Monday like today. You can still wake up with the joy of looking forward to a hug or smile from your kids, an opportunity to do great things at work, an "i love you" email from a spouse, or fun times to share with those closest to you. I continue to look forward to date nights with my husband, relaxing on the couch with my dogs, watching the boys laugh and have a great time when we do things as a family, trips we plan to take......and everything the future holds for me and this wonderful life I have.

Call me an annoying optimist, but what a better place this world would be if we could continue to look forward to the great things in life! Maybe it's faith, or the hope that each new sunrise brings. For me it's all of the above..... I'm just thrilled that I have amazing things to look forward to today, and for years to come.

Someday I will....

Do you ever think about all the things you wish you'd done? It's terrible that at the age of 30, I already look back on my life so far and say, "Gosh, I would love to do that" or "wish I would have done that". So let's take a minute and reflect on the fact that we aren't dead yet - and we have a wealth of opportunities to DO all those things we say we'd love to do "someday". Here are just a few of mine:

• I would like to travel around Europe
• I would like to take piano lessons....again.... so I can play like I used to
• I would like to become a key supporter for a charity I believe in
• I would like to visit with a medium
• I would love to dedicate my time/resources to my passion for animals
• I would like to spend more time with my parents
• I would like to be smarter than a 5th grader on a daily basis
• I would like to dance on the beach with my husband

Take some time today and think about the things you wish you could do. None of us can go back in time and change decisions we made in the past, but we do have the future which is wide open! Take advantage of your talents, desires and passions and live not only for the future, but for today.

Laughter & Pain

I heard this beautiful verse today, and thought it was so powerful:

God didn't promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow,
sun without rain.
He did promise strength for the day,
comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

I am living proof (as are many other people) that if you trust in God and have faith, he will get you through anything.

I clearly remember the lowest point in my life, sobbing uncontrollably, hiding out without anyone knowing where I was, not knowing how I was going to face my family or one more hour of the day. And yet, despite all the heartache and drama and the growing up I had to do...here I am. I am happier now than I have ever been, and that is attributed to realizing I was not in control, and I needed to trust there was a reason and a bigger plan. Now I can say: thank you, God.

Good times, good friends

It was a great weekend. Friday night we went to the gym and got some groceries, and just relaxed. Saturday invovled cleaning and laundry (and for me - step class). Saturday afternoon was swimming lessons. The boys loved it and did very good for their first time! We tried to take photos but would have had to do it through the glass - parents aren't allowed in the pool area during the lessons. They are looking forward to going again this Saturday.

Saturday night we had a great party for Mary's birthday. It was so much fun letting loose with Eric and our friends. I'm so grateful for the friendships I've built in the last couple years. We all get along so well and have a blast together! But as you can tell, there was almost TOO much fun to be had on Saturday, making Sunday a very lazy day trying to recover from tiredness, and a bad cold!
(just gotta love this photo of Kurt and Eric!)
So on with this next week, and getting back on track with my diet. I feel so much better when I'm eating right and exercising, it's just hard to get back on track after you stumble for a few days.

TGIF!

Thank Goodness It's Friday! It has been another long week but it's time for the weekend!

Our meeting with the high-risk OB went great, he told us that the main thing is keeping my epilepsy medication on track and at a steady level, and increase my folic acid intake right now. Other than that, it was basically "see you when you get pregnant" and off we went. I feel confident that everything will happen with time. God always has a plan, we just may not know what it is or be able to understand it. But we put our faith in Him for the future.

In the meantime, we continue to be a great family, and a happily married couple. We are looking forward to a relaxing weekend with just each other this weekend. It's good "down time" for us as a couple, on occasion. But we are also excited that the boys start swimming lessons on Saturday! Aidan is a little scared but Orrin is raring to go. I think it will be SO good for both of them so we can start to enjoy family vacations a little more without worrying about them in the pool. They definitely need some more new experiences like that - they miss out on a lot of that being split between two homes all the time, which is very unfortunate. They are such good boys and deserving of every experience that a kid should get to have.

Enjoy your weekend and I'll hopefully post new photos on Monday!

Craziness!

Wow, it's been a crazy few days of January between New Years Eve, going back to work, finishing the bathroom and starting my diet/exercise routine in full force! But I already have a feeling this year is going to be a great 2008! New Years Eve was a great time (see picture above), the bathrooms are finally done, and I'm off to a good start with my weight loss....all great things!

We went to church today for the first time since November, and it was great! I didn't realize how much I missed it. I have also missed having down time for our family, without packing and traveling anywhere! Yesterday we had a relaxing day, and today we had an awesome time having a snowball fight and sledding in the backyard. It is great to spend some time all together.

Tomorrow, Eric and I have our first meeting with the high-risk obstatrician, I'm curious to see what he says about my chances for a healthy pregnancy in the future. I worry about my epilepsy having a negative effect. Nothing more we can do than what we are already doing, and it will be good to have the OB confirm that. But for now, it's truly in God's hands, as I'm sure He has a plan.