I opened two fortune cookies last night after a run for HyVee Chinese food. The first said: "You will have a happy and peaceful life." Kinda generic, but still a keeper. The second one said, "This year will bring you happiness." I was thrilled to see those words. As cheesy as it is, I am keeping that one. Goodess ...I want so badly for this year to bring happiness!
Granted - 2008 was a good year. But as many of you know, I have had a few struggles with my health this year, including a miscarriage in November. I didn't blog about it because I felt it was something that should be private. But the truth is, it is a very painful memory of this past year and I needed to lean on friends and family to get through it. Anyone who has to go through something so traumatic - should not keep it a secret, but talk about it. It's the only way to make it easier.
I can't imagine anything that would bring me more happiness in 2009 than a baby. It's no secret that Eric and I have been trying to get pregnant. We have been using the "natural" method for nearly a year and a half. The worst part is knowing that the problems we are having are because of me. I can't tell you how disheartening it is as a woman to fail at the one thing you were put on this earth to do. It is a road I did not expect to have to travel, on top of the other health problems I have. And forgive me for saying this, if I hear one more friend, co-worker or random stranger announce that they "surprise!" are pregnant - I may just pull my fingernails out one by one with a dull pair of pliers. It's not that I'm not happy for those people, I am thrilled. But no one can understand the pain, jealousy and saddness that unintentionally creates, when announced to a woman who is struggling with infertility - unless they have been through it themselves.
All that said, I know that everything happens for a reason. This long and frustrating 18 months and counting has taught me a few key things that I needed reminding:
1) Patience is a virtue - one that I definitely needed some practice with.
2) I am not in control of my own destiny, God is
3) Eric and I are a strong couple. We can get through anything, as long as we stand together.
I pray that this New Year will bring all of you peace, health and above all, happiness.
1 comment:
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Eric as you enter the new year. There's nothing I'd love more than to get that phone call from you saying that it's finally happened -- that you're going to be a mommy. No one deserves it more. You'll be a wonderful mom and there will be one lucky little baby that will be blessed to be able to call you his or her mom! Hugs to you! Love, A
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