It is hard to believe that this year is almost over, and so is my pregnancy (ALMOST over that is).
This year has been filled with so many life changes, it’s hard to keep track! We tried to sell our house, then gave up on selling, then managed to sell it. We moved and lived in an apartment for 2 months, then moved again into our new house. We were blessed by this pregnancy, and are now waiting patiently to greet our new family member!
Now that I’m staring down the barrel of one month of pregnancy left, I’m getting so anxious! Obviously by my last post, I’m feeling nervous, apprehensive and a little overwhelmed. But I’m also so anxious to experience being a mom and watching our family grow and evolve! I am definitely going to miss some things about this pregnancy, but am looking forward to some things being over!
Things I’ll miss:
1) The wonderful love and attention you get from friends/family on a daily basis; everyone is always interested in how you are doing.
2) The exciting stages of this “first” pregnancy where each week you get to look forward to something new and exciting happening with your little one.
3) The super-cute clothes, toys and other baby items you can justify collecting for 10 months, to ensure that this little one will be ‘taken care of’ (aka – spoiled).
4)The comforting movements I feel when this little guy makes his presence known, or reacts to his mommy or daddy’s voice.
Things I won’t:
1)The full force of gravity when I stand up after sitting or laying for a long time, when I realize I’m toting around a basketball-sized belly worth an extra 25 pounds.
2) The inability to de-stress, celebrate or just enjoy a delicious alcoholic beverage or a soak in the hot tub!
3) The plethora of random physical changes (complaints) that I add to each month.
4) Feeling constantly moody, impatient and annoyed by every person place and thing around me…I’ll blame that one on the hormones.
But for all my bitching and moaning this year about these changes, everything has truly been a true blessing. I look forward to seeing what 2010 has in store for me; I hope it’s nothing but more wonderful experiences.
Here’s to a great New Year! (Too bad I’ll likely be sleeping by 10:30 tonight; I trust 2010 will show up anyway!)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
A Year Full of Change
Monday, December 7, 2009
A dash of ignorance and fear
I have to say that I’ve learned more about pregnancy and labor in the past month than I have in my entire life combined. Granted, most of the facts and stories I’ve heard have made my face go white as a sheet, but I am trying to absorb as much as I can, knowing that I’ll need every tidbit once this little guy is here. But all of the information has really frightened me into realizing that I have 2 months left of “life as I know it” and I’m going to be a MOM. That is surreal. I’m not sure I’m ready!?
I cannot wrap my mind around caring and providing for a baby of my own. I get there is a baby inside me. He makes it known to me throughout the day and I absolutely love that. What a great feeling to know you are caring and nurturing for a little one who’s not even here yet. Some of it is selfish – I love feeling and knowing that he’s “always with me” and I can talk to him. But the reality is scary – there is a little baby in there who’s going to rely on me for everything, for the rest of his life.
Even scarier is realizing in our prenatal classes that he will need to escape my body at some point (which won't be pleasant....according to the videos and stories I’ve seen and heard.) And that we are going to be taking him home - to care for him, provide for him, and meet his every need. That is so unreal to me, I just can’t wrap my head around it – no matter how many times I step into the nursery, it still feels like it is happening to someone else. Maybe it’s because I’ve dreamed of this for several years…..and feel so blessed that God has finally blessed us with it.
But right about now is where I really hope some Motherly Instincts kick in (I know I don’t have them yet). I have this overwhelming feeling of absolute ignorance. It is more than unnerving to realize that no matter how many books I read or classes I take, I won't really know what to do until I'm in that moment, upon which I’ll need to know what to do right then and there!I'm a planner by nature. I prepare for everything…I make lists, read everything I can get my hands on about a subject, ask friends, etc. I hate not knowing what I’m getting myself into – whether it’s a 2-hour road trip, or a huge remodeling project. I don't know how people go through life just “flying by the seat of their pants."
I have bought books, collected magazines, subscribed to websites, etc., but I know I’m still in for a shock. Perhaps, this is why the thought of packing my hospital bag sends me into a cold sweat. Am I ready for this challenge? Am I ready to give up my 8-hours of sleep a night? Am I ready to have my marriage and entire reality altered forever? My whole way of thinking and doing things is about to change.
After all that, I have to just chalk this up to good old fashioned cold feet. Thankfully, I have complete faith in God that He will give me strength to accomplish everything. And I know with every fiber of my being that this little man with the chubby cheeks that I got to see on ultrasound last week, will become the center of my existence, and the love of my life. I can’t wait.
I cannot wrap my mind around caring and providing for a baby of my own. I get there is a baby inside me. He makes it known to me throughout the day and I absolutely love that. What a great feeling to know you are caring and nurturing for a little one who’s not even here yet. Some of it is selfish – I love feeling and knowing that he’s “always with me” and I can talk to him. But the reality is scary – there is a little baby in there who’s going to rely on me for everything, for the rest of his life.
Even scarier is realizing in our prenatal classes that he will need to escape my body at some point (which won't be pleasant....according to the videos and stories I’ve seen and heard.) And that we are going to be taking him home - to care for him, provide for him, and meet his every need. That is so unreal to me, I just can’t wrap my head around it – no matter how many times I step into the nursery, it still feels like it is happening to someone else. Maybe it’s because I’ve dreamed of this for several years…..and feel so blessed that God has finally blessed us with it.
But right about now is where I really hope some Motherly Instincts kick in (I know I don’t have them yet). I have this overwhelming feeling of absolute ignorance. It is more than unnerving to realize that no matter how many books I read or classes I take, I won't really know what to do until I'm in that moment, upon which I’ll need to know what to do right then and there!I'm a planner by nature. I prepare for everything…I make lists, read everything I can get my hands on about a subject, ask friends, etc. I hate not knowing what I’m getting myself into – whether it’s a 2-hour road trip, or a huge remodeling project. I don't know how people go through life just “flying by the seat of their pants."
I have bought books, collected magazines, subscribed to websites, etc., but I know I’m still in for a shock. Perhaps, this is why the thought of packing my hospital bag sends me into a cold sweat. Am I ready for this challenge? Am I ready to give up my 8-hours of sleep a night? Am I ready to have my marriage and entire reality altered forever? My whole way of thinking and doing things is about to change.
After all that, I have to just chalk this up to good old fashioned cold feet. Thankfully, I have complete faith in God that He will give me strength to accomplish everything. And I know with every fiber of my being that this little man with the chubby cheeks that I got to see on ultrasound last week, will become the center of my existence, and the love of my life. I can’t wait.
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