I have to say that I’ve learned more about pregnancy and labor in the past month than I have in my entire life combined. Granted, most of the facts and stories I’ve heard have made my face go white as a sheet, but I am trying to absorb as much as I can, knowing that I’ll need every tidbit once this little guy is here. But all of the information has really frightened me into realizing that I have 2 months left of “life as I know it” and I’m going to be a MOM. That is surreal. I’m not sure I’m ready!?
I cannot wrap my mind around caring and providing for a baby of my own. I get there is a baby inside me. He makes it known to me throughout the day and I absolutely love that. What a great feeling to know you are caring and nurturing for a little one who’s not even here yet. Some of it is selfish – I love feeling and knowing that he’s “always with me” and I can talk to him. But the reality is scary – there is a little baby in there who’s going to rely on me for everything, for the rest of his life.
Even scarier is realizing in our prenatal classes that he will need to escape my body at some point (which won't be pleasant....according to the videos and stories I’ve seen and heard.) And that we are going to be taking him home - to care for him, provide for him, and meet his every need. That is so unreal to me, I just can’t wrap my head around it – no matter how many times I step into the nursery, it still feels like it is happening to someone else. Maybe it’s because I’ve dreamed of this for several years…..and feel so blessed that God has finally blessed us with it.
But right about now is where I really hope some Motherly Instincts kick in (I know I don’t have them yet). I have this overwhelming feeling of absolute ignorance. It is more than unnerving to realize that no matter how many books I read or classes I take, I won't really know what to do until I'm in that moment, upon which I’ll need to know what to do right then and there!I'm a planner by nature. I prepare for everything…I make lists, read everything I can get my hands on about a subject, ask friends, etc. I hate not knowing what I’m getting myself into – whether it’s a 2-hour road trip, or a huge remodeling project. I don't know how people go through life just “flying by the seat of their pants."
I have bought books, collected magazines, subscribed to websites, etc., but I know I’m still in for a shock. Perhaps, this is why the thought of packing my hospital bag sends me into a cold sweat. Am I ready for this challenge? Am I ready to give up my 8-hours of sleep a night? Am I ready to have my marriage and entire reality altered forever? My whole way of thinking and doing things is about to change.
After all that, I have to just chalk this up to good old fashioned cold feet. Thankfully, I have complete faith in God that He will give me strength to accomplish everything. And I know with every fiber of my being that this little man with the chubby cheeks that I got to see on ultrasound last week, will become the center of my existence, and the love of my life. I can’t wait.
I cannot wrap my mind around caring and providing for a baby of my own. I get there is a baby inside me. He makes it known to me throughout the day and I absolutely love that. What a great feeling to know you are caring and nurturing for a little one who’s not even here yet. Some of it is selfish – I love feeling and knowing that he’s “always with me” and I can talk to him. But the reality is scary – there is a little baby in there who’s going to rely on me for everything, for the rest of his life.
Even scarier is realizing in our prenatal classes that he will need to escape my body at some point (which won't be pleasant....according to the videos and stories I’ve seen and heard.) And that we are going to be taking him home - to care for him, provide for him, and meet his every need. That is so unreal to me, I just can’t wrap my head around it – no matter how many times I step into the nursery, it still feels like it is happening to someone else. Maybe it’s because I’ve dreamed of this for several years…..and feel so blessed that God has finally blessed us with it.
But right about now is where I really hope some Motherly Instincts kick in (I know I don’t have them yet). I have this overwhelming feeling of absolute ignorance. It is more than unnerving to realize that no matter how many books I read or classes I take, I won't really know what to do until I'm in that moment, upon which I’ll need to know what to do right then and there!I'm a planner by nature. I prepare for everything…I make lists, read everything I can get my hands on about a subject, ask friends, etc. I hate not knowing what I’m getting myself into – whether it’s a 2-hour road trip, or a huge remodeling project. I don't know how people go through life just “flying by the seat of their pants."
I have bought books, collected magazines, subscribed to websites, etc., but I know I’m still in for a shock. Perhaps, this is why the thought of packing my hospital bag sends me into a cold sweat. Am I ready for this challenge? Am I ready to give up my 8-hours of sleep a night? Am I ready to have my marriage and entire reality altered forever? My whole way of thinking and doing things is about to change.
After all that, I have to just chalk this up to good old fashioned cold feet. Thankfully, I have complete faith in God that He will give me strength to accomplish everything. And I know with every fiber of my being that this little man with the chubby cheeks that I got to see on ultrasound last week, will become the center of my existence, and the love of my life. I can’t wait.
1 comment:
Lisa,
It is very normal to panic before your baby arrives. In fact, I think I panicked more the second and third time around because I KNEW what was in store for me! (That's helpful, right?!) Here's my advice... try and relax. Your body knows what to do when it is time for this baby to arrive... women in COMAS have successfully delivered babies because most of the delivery is done by your body all on it's own. No amount of reading, listening to people's horror stories, etc. can REALLY prepare you for childbirth because every delivery is different. I actually preferred NOT to watch the childbirth videos because I knew it would freak me out. Sometimes there is such a thing as TOO much information. Trust me on this... your nurse will get you through the delivery. Listen to her, concentrate on her voice, do what she tells you to do and it will be fine. Labor and delivery nurses are wonderful... they've seen it all and they know exactly what they're doing. You will be surprised at how much pain you can tolerate and how you can draw strength from seemingly nowhere. I promise you, you will do great!
As far as your life changing once Baby K is here, you're right. Everything is about to change... but for the better. You have never known this type of love! The lack of sleep and the stress you sometimes feel, as a result, won't last long. Before you know it, your marriage and family life will take on a new rhythm... it just seems to happen on it's own. You are going to be a wonderful mom, Lisa. You have been wanting this for so long and your "motherly instincts" WILL kick in. (You don't give yourself enough credit... I think they're already there!) Besides, you have Eric and he is a FANTASTIC dad! Draw on his experience with Orrin and Aidan... he has been through all of this before. And don't forget, you have a mom and sister in-law who are only a phone call away. You know you can call me anytime you want! =)
Hang on, Lis, and enjoy the ride! You are about to embark on one of life's greatest journeys, and I promise, you will LOVE it!
Love you,
Paula
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