My New Mantra

Why do we do it to ourselves? Taking life too fast, working too hard, worrying unnecessarily and wearing ourselves thin in the process. I used to think I was immune to stress 99% of the time. I found out this week however, that I was in denial.

I have literally made myself miserable with stress this week. Despite normally being able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat (or at an Iowa game- as Eric can attest to), I have had a terrible time sleeping this week! I can’t turn my mind off. I toss and turn; every little thing wakes me up. Then the next day I’m already tired and worn down and just start the process over. In addition, I have had terrible body aches. Last night I came home feeling like a 90-year-old woman who was just dropped off the back of a moving train. Ok, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but I was miserable! And not only does this stress manifest itself physically – but emotionally. I had to face it….I have not been much fun to live with this last week!

Finally yesterday, I lost it. Thank God I’m a woman, because crying can create a euphoric release of those toxic emotions. But I also had an epiphany in the process. I realized how hard I was trying and worrying about everything, despite the fact that they were things I had no control over, which was making me try even harder. I was anguishing over the things that are completely out of my reach – including when and if our house will sell, if we’ll sell it in time to buy the one we really want, if that offer would even go through, if that’s the right decision, etc. I have also been obsessing over our efforts to add a little one to our family; what I am doing right and wrong each day; worrying about if this will be the day we can get some results, drugs, tests and instructions, and the slight chance that all of it might not work. It just shouldn’t be that hard! And don’t forget the burden of emotional weight all of those worries and efforts carry with them….it is literally overwhelming. Everything in my life right now is out of my control despite my best intentions and hard work, and that is one thing I am not used to.

Thankfully, I am now aware of how naïve I’ve been to think that worrying over these items will somehow help them resolve quicker or with the right results. Of all the talking I do about having faith that things will work out, I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching on a day-to-day basis. After much self review, I have decided to make a conscious effort to tell myself "just let it go". I can’t worry myself sick over whether things will or won’t work out. At some point, I need to acknowledge that I’m doing all I can to make it happen – but then, let it go. I need to continue to make the most out of each day, and be happy with the here and now. Only by learning when to let it go will I truly be able to see that things will work themselves out eventually, without any excessive loss of sleep on my part. Can you tell what my new mantra is? Let's hope it works!